An Alienated Voice: The Last Girl Never Seen as an Adult by Her
Family
Dini Safitri
a
, Hikmah Rizqiah, Siti Nurlailah and Tassa Khoerun Nisa
Communication Study Programme, Universitas Negeri Jakarta, Rawamangun Muka Street, Jakarta, Indonesia
Keywords: Muted Group Theory, Family, Youngest Daughter.
Abstract: In this study, the researcher examines the life of the youngest daughter in a family whose opinion is always
ignored because her family feels that the child is still small even though the child is eighteen years old and
above. Especially for the youngest daughter who is often considered weak and has no right to express an
opinion at home. The purpose of this study is to describe the alienated voice of the youngest daughter in the
family. The research method used is a qualitative method. The researcher conducted interviews with eight
youngest daughters who are relevant to the case. This research uses the Muted group theory as a basis for the
research that the author conducted. The Muted group theory is a theory that highlights how certain groups in
society, including the youngest daughter, have difficulty expressing their experiences and perspectives
because of the social structure that dominates and limits public discourse. The results of the study show that
the youngest daughter is often asked for her opinion, but their opinions are only considered a passing wind,
and her opinions are not used. The results also show that the youngest daughter in the family is often
considered a child even though she is an Adult. As a result of her unheard opinion, the youngest daughter
often feels insecure and hesitates to make decisions. The practical implications of this research are expected
to increase awareness and empowerment of families in dealing with gender equality issues, especially for the
youngest daughter so that her opinions can be heard within the family.
1 INTRODUCTION
In social life, gender equality often occurs. Gender is
a social norm related to sex in humans, especially
men and women (Putri & Nurhajati, 2020). Gender
equality is not limited to social interactions, but also
occurs in the family environment. This occurs
because of the patriarchal system that is still widely
followed by Indonesian society. The patriarchal
system is a system that prioritizes male dominance, a
power dynamic in which men control women, or a
system with a nature that places women in a
secondary role or must be submissive (Rohmatin,
2019).
Even in cases where men sexually harass women,
more people place the responsibility on the victim
than on the perpetrator. Sexual harassment can start
verbally, but those who do it and those around them
tend to see it as a joke (Nurfudiniyah & Hakim, 2022).
In the family environment, men usually have more
a
https://orcid.org/0000-0001-8310-5059
roles or rights than women. For example, a husband
must have a higher status than his wife, or what is
often encountered is the phenomenon when the
youngest daughter wants to express her opinion but is
never heard because her opinion is considered
unreasonable.
In Indonesia, this is quite common, from the
author's experience, observations around, and
interview results, the author often finds injustice
between the youngest child and the first child, or even
the last female child and the last male child. The last
male child tends to have more (Rohmatin, 2019)
freedom, this is because the patriarchal system still
exists in Indonesia.
From the results of the author's research, the last
female child is often silenced and does not have the
right to express her opinion at home, the data analysis
conducted by the author uses muted group theory or
the theory of silence. Muted group theory assumes
that the language used by the dominant group is
Safitri, D., Rizqiah, H., Nurlailah, S. and Nisa, T. K.
An Alienated Voice: The Last Girl Never Seen as an Adult by Her Family.
DOI: 10.5220/0013410200004654
In Proceedings of the 4th International Conference on Humanities Education, Law, and Social Science (ICHELS 2024), pages 133-140
ISBN: 978-989-758-752-8
Copyright © 2025 by Paper published under CC license (CC BY-NC-ND 4.0)
133
shaped by the experiences and perspectives of men,
making it impossible for women to express their
opinions whenever and wherever they want. This is in
line with the author's research on the experience of
the last female child who was never considered an
adult by her family (Nwokoro & Ekwunife, 2020).
The problem faced by most of the last daughters
based on the interviews conducted by the author is
that they are too afraid to express what they feel in
their families. This incident has an impact on the fear
of speaking in public because they feel their opinions
are not qualified. Some of them also choose to close
themselves off from the outside audience and choose
to be alone. The purpose of this study is to narrow
down the problem of the last daughter whose opinions
are never heard by their families. The author also
hopes that with this study, family members will care
more about the feelings of their family members
towards each other and gender equality will no longer
exist either in society or in the family.
Every family certainly has various conflicts that
need to be communicated. The definition of
communication itself according to Stewart L. Tubbs
& Sylvia Moss (2005) in the book Human
Communication is the first step to improve
understanding of a complex phenomenon.
Communication is also referred to as human
communication, which means a process in which two
or more people understand each other (Putri N. A.,
2023).
Therefore, communication is something that is
difficult to touch, this makes communication difficult
to balance between individuals. The views of the
youngest daughter who are often not accepted can be
argued because of communication dynamics in the
family which are influenced by factors such as
gender, hierarchy in the family, and ingrained gender
stereotypes.
According to Muted Group Theory, in society
there are groups that have different life experiences,
and these groups may face obstacles in conveying
their experiences because of the dominant power and
cultural structures. In the context of the family, the
hierarchy formed by traditional gender roles often
reinforces feelings of powerlessness for certain group
members, including the youngest daughter.
The last daughter may experience obstacles in
expressing her opinions due to her position in the
established family structure. They may find it
difficult to find a space to speak up or feel that their
opinions are not comparable to others in the family.
In addition, gender stereotypes can also play a role in
limiting the space for girls to speak freely and
confidently. Previous research conducted by Noviani
et al. (2022) found that family awareness in Indonesia
regarding gender awareness is still low, as seen from
the freedom to express opinions and the freedom to
make decisions in the family.
Mistrust of women according to the muted theory
of communication is the tendency for women's
statements to be distrusted due to the dominance of
men who place them in a higher position than women
(Putri N. A., 2023). In this context, communication
within the family needs to be considered to create an
inclusive environment and allow all family members,
including the last daughter, to voice their opinions
without fear of being ignored or considered
insignificant. This requires awareness of the power
dynamics and stereotypes that may hinder effective
communication. In addition, it is important to
strengthen the last daughter's ability to articulate their
thoughts and feelings clearly and provide them with
space to speak up in family situations. In this way,
more balanced and inclusive communication can be
realized, and conflicts that may arise can be better
resolved through dialogue and mutual understanding.
Gender stereotypes also play a role in silencing
women. These stereotypes can narrow the space for
women to voice their opinions, feel unappreciated, or
even feel that what they say is not considered
important. Becoming a leader is a natural human
calling because of their ability to control themselves.
Therefore, the potential and opportunities for men
and women to realize their leadership potential are
practically the same. Men are not the only authority
that determines the dynamics of collective life in
society. Human civilization does not belong to men
with their image of superior masculinity. That,
women and men are equal individuals, have the same
or equal degree and dignity.
The reality about women reflects injustice. The
social system seems to have survived for so long with
a paternalistic culture. The political system in a
democratic society and religious structures still
maintain paternal authority, namely the authority of a
father figure who is a man. In this context, the
position and participation of women are arbitrarily
limited. Women's leadership has not received an ideal
space for expression because of the monopoly and
manipulation of patriarchy. In society itself,
patriarchy is a culture, where it has been regulated
that men are said to have a nature that is privileged by
regulating and maintaining so that they gain
dominance and assert their power over women.
Men define themselves by their actions, and
women identify themselves with men. In speech,
women are open or limited to their functions and
situations. Gender stereotypes continue to be passed
ICHELS 2024 - The International Conference on Humanities Education, Law, and Social Science
134
down from generation to generation even to modern
times like today, making women's space for
movement narrow, until women become reluctant,
afraid, and ashamed to be different or not in
accordance with their stereotypes for fear of violating
their "nature" as a woman.
Several approaches to address this silencing, one
of which is through education and awareness of the
role of language and stereotypes in silencing women.
Fighting for gender equality and creating inclusive
spaces for women to speak up and actively participate
in various social contexts is also an important focus.
The idea that women are the second sex or just
friends behind men exacerbates gender
discrimination in the form of stereotypes, domination,
marginalization, and carrying two burdens. However,
current conditions show progress in terms of
protection from employers and work supervisors.
Therefore, awareness of gender equality is essential
for fidelity not only in regulations but also in the
socio-cultural components of society to prevent
gender-based discrimination against women workers
in the future.
Social structures influenced by patriot culture
provide meaning. About biological differences that
determine the behaviour of men and women.
Restrictions on rights, access, and social involvement
stem from this. Different societies have different
expectations for women and men in terms of roles,
duties, and places. Some societies want to limit the
roles - such as household and professional - that they
believe belong to men and women. Cultural
engagement is also a major focus, communicating
gender and gender meanings and creating inclusive
spaces where women can speak and actively
participate in different social contexts.
Gender discrimination in the form of stereotypes,
subordination, marginalization, and double burdens is
exacerbated by the perception that women act as a
second gender or just friends in the background
leading to a patriarchal culture that ultimately leads to
inequality and discrimination between men and
women (Rohmany, Alfirdaus, & Fitriyah, 2023).
2 METHOD
We use a qualitative descriptive research method in
this study. According to (Nasution, 2023) in his book
entitled Qualitative Research Methods, using a
research method is a way to collect data for a specific
application or purpose in a scientific way. In the
research that has been conducted, we obtained
empirical data, with correct criteria or according to
facts, reliable, and objective. This research was
conducted on girls whose criteria were in accordance
with the author's expectations, who were the youngest
children and in accordance with the theme and title of
the research. By using the muted group theory, this
research only focuses on the experiences of the
youngest daughter in the family.
The technique we used to collect data in this study
was by interviewing several informants face-to-face
so that the information or data obtained was complete.
The interviews conducted were aimed at finding out
more about the experiences of informants who felt
that their families always treated them like children
or always considered them immature. Interviews
were conducted with eight informants. These eight
informants were selected because they met the
informant criteria required in this study. After that,
we classified and collected the data that had been
obtained. From the data that has been collected from
the results of informant interviews, it is then reduced
according to the typification’s needed in this study so
that relevant data can be presented, and conclusions
can be drawn that have been verified from library
sources and the results of interviews with informants.
3 RESULTS
From the results of the research that has been
conducted by the author to eight informants with an
interview system, the author found that many of them
still feel that their opinions are not heard and
sometimes not included in family discussions because
they are still considered as small children by their
families. The following is a brief profile of the
informants with initialled names:
No Name Age
(Years)
1. APN 19
2. FZ 20
3. ST 19
4.
N
F 19
5. FD 21
6. F 20
7. IN 19
8. SZ 19
Table 1: Profile Informants.
An Alienated Voice: The Last Girl Never Seen as an Adult by Her Family
135
3.1 Often Giving Opinions When
Gathering with Family but
Considered as Passing Wind
Based on the results of interviews with eight
informants, two informants (FZ and IN) answered
that they rarely expressed their opinions during
family gatherings.
"My family rarely listens to my opinion," said FZ.
IN also experienced the same thing.
Two informants (APN and NF) answered that
they often expressed their opinions,
"Actually, I myself rarely express my opinion. I'm
already lazy. So, I just listen," said APN. NF
apparently also had the same experience.
Two informants (ST and FD) answered that they
only sometimes expressed their opinions during
family gatherings. One informant (F) answered that
they often gave suggestions but were ignored. One
informant (SZ) answered that they never gave their
opinions during family gatherings. From the results
that have been obtained, it is not often that a last child
expresses his or her opinion during family gatherings.
This could be due to a lack of trust in the child or not
being given trust by his or her family.
Family formation is very important. If the child is
good, his or her parents will also be very good, and
this will play a big role in helping the child achieve
his or her dreams and realize his or her potential. In
addition, because we are a nation of successors, it is
important for children to learn self-confidence so that
they become adults who can achieve their maximum
potential and adapt to their environment. To be able
to achieve or do this, parents need to instil a sense of
self-confidence in their children from an early age, so
that children can easily do what they want to achieve
and can also face all the challenges in their lives with
full confidence. Self-confidence is one of the key
components of a child's social and emotional growth
as adults (Fabiani & Krisnani, 2020)
According to Rohma (2018) self-confidence in
children can be done or built from an early age. The
most important thing that must be present when
building a child's self-confidence is the role of
parents. So, parents have an important role in building
a child's self-confidence and character. Because
parents are the most important people in learning
about attitudes, behavior, and language in a child. A
child at the age of play has begun to build a sense of
shame, guilt, and self-confidence. According to
Mirhan & Kurnia (Sulfemi, 2020), self-confidence is
a person's ability to overcome various challenges and
situations, in order to avoid various forms of negative
impacts from certain situations. In addition, to make
it easier to achieve success without depending on
anyone. According to Lie (Kurniasih, Supena, &
Nurani, 2021) when a child is confident, he can
complete tasks according to his developmental stage,
has the courage to improve his own achievements,
and grows into a healthy and independent adult.
Shows how a child's confidence in himself can grow.
Based on extreme research conducted by Ayu
Antini, it states that the show and tell method makes
children's self-confidence grow, because it involves
children's involvement in direct learning activities by
asking them to tell stories about things they bring
from home, such as personal items, favorite foods,
and pictures or photos. The use of tangible objects
makes it easier for children to tell stories and make
their friends interested, arouses their curiosity, and
becomes a shining moment so that it increases the
child's self-confidence (Kurniasih, Supena, & Nurani,
2021). Therefore, the family is one of the sources of
self-confidence in a child that grows, by motivating
and supporting the child, so that he is not afraid to
face all the challenges he is facing. The family is also
the foundation for a child to form a positive opinion
about himself, thus helping him become a good
person. Families who build positive relationships
with anything and anyone, implement positive norms,
develop positive skills, and foster or provide positive
opinions can help a child's self-confidence increase.
3.2 Daughter Is Often Asked to Give
Their Opinion, but It Is Not Used
From the interview results, four (SZ, ST, FD, and F)
of the eight informants answered that they were quite
often asked for their opinions by their families, but
these opinions were rarely heard and sometimes
rejected by the opinions of older people in the family,
such as parents or older siblings. From the results of
the study, it shows how the interaction between the
youngest daughter or vice versa, with the perceptions
of each party. In addition, it also shows the challenges
faced by the youngest daughter, namely social and
psychological challenges. Then, with the results of
this study, the role of the family is very important,
namely providing support and recognition for the
development and formation of a child's character. By
implementing the role of parents like this, a child can
become a confident person and be able to express
their opinions.
The effective communication process is being
heard and willing to listen. In communication, it
should not be possible for someone to only want to be
heard by others but must be able to listen to the voices
of others, so that good communication can be created
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and avoid misunderstandings. Parents are very
important family members because children,
especially those who are still minors and still under
the supervision of their parents, spend most of their
lives at home. Especially mothers, mothers play a
very important role in the family. Therefore, parents
and families have a very important role in educating
their children about religion and society. Parents play
an important role in shaping the personality, ethics,
and others in children.
Parents must be able to behave and act well in
teaching something to their children, so that the
children can imitate well too, because parents are
basically examples or role models for their children
(Efrianus, 2020). Parents often feel that children
should always listen to them, if parents already have
enough life experience to order and advise their
children. In some cases, parents may force their
wishes on their children too much without asking for
their child's consideration. This is unknowingly
parents have dominated communication without
considering the child's feelings (Bainar, 2020).
A daughter needs to be heard to express what he
is feeling, what he wants or doesn't want. By listening
to daughter, daughter will open up and make parents
a place to tell what they are feeling and are or have
experienced, both in small and big things
(Maidenberg, 2021). In addition, a daughter really
needs attention and becomes lazy to talk when no one
listens to him properly. Therefore, the role of parents
is very important to appreciate and listen when
children are talking. That way, a daughter can easily
and confidently express their opinions when they are
outside their family environment.
3.3 Considered a Child, Even Though
He Is over 18 Years Old
The results of interviews conducted by the author
with eight informants, eight (APN, SZ, FZ, ST, NF,
FD, F, and IN) of them felt that they were often
considered as small children by their families even
though they were over eighteen years old. This
happened because of the labelling of the last daughter
attached to them. Some families think that the last
daughter still needs to be looked after and the
opinions they express are considered nonsense
because of this label. In the case study conducted by
the author and based on the Muted Group Theory
which states that there are certain groups that are
silent because they do not have much power to stand
up and speak for themselves (Olayinka Susan
OGUNDOYIN, 2020). The last daughter usually does
not have the power to express what she wants to feel
because she is afraid. This can be influenced by the
results of the parenting pattern.
By guiding, teaching, and caring for their
children, parents hope that their offspring will have
the knowledge, morals, values, and abilities needed to
be accepted in society. This is known as parenting.
Because this forms the child's personality in the
future, choosing the right and effective parenting
style is very important for the child's psychological
development, because if there is a mistake in
parenting, the child and parents will bear the
consequences. Every parent has their own way of
raising their children, which can be said that parents
have their own way of educating their children. And
authoritarian parenting is one of the parenting styles
that is often used by parents.
According to Asri & Dewi from (Ramadhani,
Syarifah, & Sera, 2022) this authoritarian parenting
style is a way for parents to limit their children and
use a form of violence or coercion to teach them to
obey their orders. There are two aspects of
authoritarian parenting according to Baumrind from
(Ramadhani, Syarifah, & Sera, 2022), namely low
responsiveness and high demandingness. Low
responsiveness is when parents are cold towards their
children, do not listen to what their children want, and
do not care enough about what their children need.
While high demandingness is where parents are too
restrictive of their children, set rules, and threaten to
punish them if their demands are not immediately
met. This kind of parenting style makes children
afraid to speak or express their opinions.
3.4 Opinions That Are Not Heard
Make Daughter Less Confident
According to Sudarwari in the article (Asmawi &
Bakry, 2020) etymologically the word "woman"
comes from the word "empu" which means "master",
"skilled or powerful", "leader", "superior", or
"greatest". The word "woman" is also related to the
word "amp" which means "support", "rule",
"advocate", or "security guard".
"Support" means preventing decline and support
to prevent collapse, and "support" means ruling a
region or country. In addition, the term "restraint" can
mean anchor, support, or savior. “Empu” then
became “Empuan” and finally “Puan” which is used
as an expression of respect for women.
The lack of the right to speak in the family
environment certainly greatly affects a person's
psychology. Laziness and fear to speak or express
opinions, because they are afraid that what is
expressed is wrong. Not being able to speak fluently,
An Alienated Voice: The Last Girl Never Seen as an Adult by Her Family
137
prolonged stress, and mindset. Someone who grows
up in a family that discriminates often has low self-
confidence and a high desire to be heard because they
do not get it from those closest to them.
The results of the interviews conducted by the
author, seven out of eight informants felt lazy to
express their opinions because their opinions were
never appreciated, they were also afraid to express
what they felt so that this caused prolonged stress.
The role of women shows that they have a very
significant existence, both in the present and previous
eras, although this gives rise to differences of opinion.
In addition, women often experience negative stigma,
and their contributions are often considered limited to
domestic affairs, to the point of sidelining their roles
that are outside traditional social boundaries. This
shows that there is a poor understanding of the
position of women. For example, many opinions from
extremist’s state that women should not have access
(Harahap, 2022).
3.5 The Last Daughter Has Less
Responsibilities
Gender equality is the idea that women and men have
the freedom to develop their potential and make
decisions without being limited by stereotypes,
prejudices, or rigid gender roles. Children are gifts
given by the Almighty and have different potentials
because they have their own uniqueness and
specialties. However, what happens if there are
differences between them, in a family when viewed
from the status of the child consisting of the eldest
(first child), middle, and youngest (last child). The
title of youngest is the title given to the last child.
According to research by Setyapremesty (Karina
& Herdiyanto), it is known that there are differences
in children's personalities based on their birth order,
29 only children, 27 older children, 26 middle
children, and 26 youngest children who attend State
Vocational Schools in Yogyakarta show differences
in self-image related to birth order.
The oldest child has the highest self-image,
followed by the youngest child, then the middle child,
and finally the only child. Moreover, birth order is not
just a serial number, but it is related to the
psychological response to the family's birth order,
which can shape experiences, perceptions, and
personality.
In everyday life, we see that parents treat their
sons and daughters differently depending on their
birth order, but their parenting practices are often in
accordance with the methods applied in society. The
customs of the surrounding community are
considered successful and suitable for raising
children to adulthood, so that the customs adopted by
the culture of a society or community should be used
by everyone in raising children influencing parents.
The research we conducted with eight informants,
it was found that one of them answered correctly that
the youngest child was given lighter responsibilities
than his other siblings because he was always
considered immature, but seven of them answered
that they felt that they were not given less
responsibility than their other siblings, which means
that in terms of giving responsibility to children, it
can be seen that the status of the order of the child is
not something that is seen.
3.6 Doubtful about Making Decisions
From the interviews we conducted with eight
informants who were the youngest daughters with
questions about how much their opinions were
listened to by their families, five of them answered
that they felt that their opinions were not heard and
not involved by their families, and the rest of them
felt that their opinions were heard quite a bit. This is
because they are still considered not mature enough
to be involved in their family's problems.
The influence of culture on children shapes their
personalities according to prevailing cultural norms.
Inability in one component of education can result in
low levels of personal independence. This may be
caused by a disharmonious relationship with parents,
good relationships with coworkers, or other factors.
Independence is the ability to act, feel, and make
decisions on your own. Parenting patterns can affect
the level of independence of adolescents. This shows
that the way parents interact with their eldest and
youngest children can affect their independence. The
birth order in a family can be an important factor in a
person's lifelong personal and social adjustment,
which also has implications for parental discipline.
Parents generally treat their children differently based
on their birth order. (Putri, Yusri, & Rahmi, 2022).
Based on our research, 7 of the informants
answered that they were still not allowed to make
decisions for themselves when it came to things that
were considered important for the future, for example
regarding their studies or careers. This is due to the
long-term effects of these decisions, the youngest,
especially women, are still considered unable to make
their own decisions because they are considered
unable to think in the long term, this is the reason they
are not allowed to make their own decisions.
According to Hani (Putri, Yusri, & Rahmi, 2022)
children have their own uniqueness, this requires
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different treatment, services, and care, so as not to
cause harm to the child himself, other children, or the
family. The obstacles faced by women in taking on
decision-making roles in the household are the lack
of integration between women and men (Martauli,
Karo, & Lara, 2023).
If a child refuses his parents' order to marry
someone he does not like, this is not an act of
disobedience. On the contrary, refusing the order and
giving advice in a good way to parents so that they do
not force marriage with someone they do not love is
one form of devotion to parents. Women have full
freedom to choose their life partners and are
prohibited from being married by force. A girl's
marriage will not take place without the permission
and consent of the woman. Women and men have
equal status in the eyes of the law, and Islam gives
women the same rights to end a marriage if necessary
(Asmawi & Bakry, 2020).
4 CONCLUSIONS
The last daughter makes decisions and often faces
challenges in gaining recognition, gaining freedom to
make decisions, and getting equal treatment with her
siblings. This shows the need for awareness and
efforts to treat each child fairly and provide equal
opportunities to develop. There is a tendency in
culture to give different treatment to children based
on their birth order. The youngest child is often given
lighter responsibilities and is given less freedom to
make important decisions for themselves.
Seeing the various forms of stereotypes and myths
believed by society, it seems that this raises its own
concerns that we need to reflect on further. So how
does the implementation of power carried out by the
dominant party play an active role in the formation of
the collective unconscious in society.
The process of forming the collective
unconscious is determined by the party in power, in
this case the dominant party. Power is a tool
belonging to a particular social group, agency or
organization used to control the actions and thoughts
of others, with the aim of limiting the freedom of the
other group.
The nature and treatment that are associated with
men and women are basically described that men
have the opposite nature and behavior to women who
are described as emotional, can cook, motherly, like
cleaning, weak, etc. Meanwhile, men are depicted as
not liking to clean, not being able to cook, thinking
logically, having to be strong, and so on.
According to Anjani in (Rohmany, Alfirdaus, &
Fitriyah, 2023) the concept of gender justice is an
effort to provide equality for male and female
genders. Efforts to prove this justice are by making
more efforts that socially and historically can prevent
women and men from playing roles with the results
of the roles played.
Gender equality in Indonesia began with
Presidential Instruction of the Republic of Indonesia
Number 9 in 2000 which discussed gender
mainstreaming. In other words, the concept of gender
equality began to be introduced to society in the early
2000s. However, it is estimated that this cannot yet be
applied in the context of the family, because
understanding of gender equality has not penetrated
society. Therefore, action is needed, such as
conducting in-depth research to determine the extent
to which society recognizes gender equality within
the family. The purpose of this study is to understand
society's views on gender equality in a family
(Qomariah, 2019).
It requires cooperation, a sense of
complementarity and respect within the family,
regardless of the order in the family, especially for
parents who must divide roles so that children in the
family can achieve gender equality and freely express
their opinions, regardless of birth order.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Thank you to the Faculty of Social Sciences and Law,
Universitas Negeri Jakarta, for providing financial
support for the publication costs of this article.
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