An Alienated Voice: The Last Girl Never Seen as an Adult by Her

Family

Dini Safitri

, Hikmah Rizqiah, Siti Nurlailah and Tassa Khoerun Nisa

Communication Study Programme, Universitas Negeri Jakarta, Rawamangun Muka Street, Jakarta, Indonesia

Keywords: Muted Group Theory, Family, Youngest Daughter.

Abstract: In this study, the researcher examines the life of the youngest daughter in a family whose opinion is always

ignored because her family feels that the child is still small even though the child is eighteen years old and

above. Especially for the youngest daughter who is often considered weak and has no right to express an

opinion at home. The purpose of this study is to describe the alienated voice of the youngest daughter in the

family. The research method used is a qualitative method. The researcher conducted interviews with eight

youngest daughters who are relevant to the case. This research uses the Muted group theory as a basis for the

research that the author conducted. The Muted group theory is a theory that highlights how certain groups in

society, including the youngest daughter, have difficulty expressing their experiences and perspectives

because of the social structure that dominates and limits public discourse. The results of the study show that

the youngest daughter is often asked for her opinion, but their opinions are only considered a passing wind,

and her opinions are not used. The results also show that the youngest daughter in the family is often

considered a child even though she is an Adult. As a result of her unheard opinion, the youngest daughter

often feels insecure and hesitates to make decisions. The practical implications of this research are expected

to increase awareness and empowerment of families in dealing with gender equality issues, especially for the

youngest daughter so that her opinions can be heard within the family.

1 INTRODUCTION

In social life, gender equality often occurs. Gender is

a social norm related to sex in humans, especially

men and women (Putri & Nurhajati, 2020). Gender

equality is not limited to social interactions, but also

occurs in the family environment. This occurs

because of the patriarchal system that is still widely

followed by Indonesian society. The patriarchal

system is a system that prioritizes male dominance, a

power dynamic in which men control women, or a

system with a nature that places women in a

secondary role or must be submissive (Rohmatin,

2019).

Even in cases where men sexually harass women,

more people place the responsibility on the victim

than on the perpetrator. Sexual harassment can start

verbally, but those who do it and those around them

tend to see it as a joke (Nurfudiniyah & Hakim, 2022).

In the family environment, men usually have more

https://orcid.org/0000-0001-8310-5059

roles or rights than women. For example, a husband

must have a higher status than his wife, or what is

often encountered is the phenomenon when the

youngest daughter wants to express her opinion but is

never heard because her opinion is considered

unreasonable.

In Indonesia, this is quite common, from the

author's experience, observations around, and

interview results, the author often finds injustice

between the youngest child and the first child, or even

the last female child and the last male child. The last

male child tends to have more (Rohmatin, 2019)

freedom, this is because the patriarchal system still

exists in Indonesia.

From the results of the author's research, the last

female child is often silenced and does not have the

right to express her opinion at home, the data analysis

conducted by the author uses muted group theory or

the theory of silence. Muted group theory assumes

that the language used by the dominant group is

Saﬁtri, D., Rizqiah, H., Nurlailah, S. and Nisa, T. K.

An Alienated Voice: The Last Girl Never Seen as an Adult by Her Family.

DOI: 10.5220/0013410200004654

In Proceedings of the 4th International Conference on Humanities Education, Law, and Social Science (ICHELS 2024), pages 133-140

ISBN: 978-989-758-752-8

133

shaped by the experiences and perspectives of men,

making it impossible for women to express their

opinions whenever and wherever they want. This is in

line with the author's research on the experience of

the last female child who was never considered an

adult by her family (Nwokoro & Ekwunife, 2020).

The problem faced by most of the last daughters

based on the interviews conducted by the author is

that they are too afraid to express what they feel in

their families. This incident has an impact on the fear

of speaking in public because they feel their opinions

are not qualified. Some of them also choose to close

themselves off from the outside audience and choose

to be alone. The purpose of this study is to narrow

down the problem of the last daughter whose opinions

are never heard by their families. The author also

hopes that with this study, family members will care

more about the feelings of their family members

towards each other and gender equality will no longer

exist either in society or in the family.

Every family certainly has various conflicts that

need to be communicated. The definition of

communication itself according to Stewart L. Tubbs

& Sylvia Moss (2005) in the book Human

Communication is the first step to improve

understanding of a complex phenomenon.

Communication is also referred to as human

communication, which means a process in which two

or more people understand each other (Putri N. A.,

2023).

Therefore, communication is something that is

difficult to touch, this makes communication difficult

to balance between individuals. The views of the

youngest daughter who are often not accepted can be

argued because of communication dynamics in the

family which are influenced by factors such as

gender, hierarchy in the family, and ingrained gender

stereotypes.

According to Muted Group Theory, in society

there are groups that have different life experiences,

and these groups may face obstacles in conveying

their experiences because of the dominant power and

cultural structures. In the context of the family, the

hierarchy formed by traditional gender roles often

reinforces feelings of powerlessness for certain group

members, including the youngest daughter.

The last daughter may experience obstacles in

expressing her opinions due to her position in the

established family structure. They may find it

difficult to find a space to speak up or feel that their

opinions are not comparable to others in the family.

In addition, gender stereotypes can also play a role in

limiting the space for girls to speak freely and

confidently. Previous research conducted by Noviani

et al. (2022) found that family awareness in Indonesia

regarding gender awareness is still low, as seen from

the freedom to express opinions and the freedom to

make decisions in the family.

Mistrust of women according to the muted theory

of communication is the tendency for women's

statements to be distrusted due to the dominance of

men who place them in a higher position than women

(Putri N. A., 2023). In this context, communication

within the family needs to be considered to create an

inclusive environment and allow all family members,

including the last daughter, to voice their opinions

without fear of being ignored or considered

insignificant. This requires awareness of the power

dynamics and stereotypes that may hinder effective

communication. In addition, it is important to

strengthen the last daughter's ability to articulate their

thoughts and feelings clearly and provide them with

space to speak up in family situations. In this way,

more balanced and inclusive communication can be

realized, and conflicts that may arise can be better

resolved through dialogue and mutual understanding.

Gender stereotypes also play a role in silencing

women. These stereotypes can narrow the space for

women to voice their opinions, feel unappreciated, or

even feel that what they say is not considered

important. Becoming a leader is a natural human

calling because of their ability to control themselves.

Therefore, the potential and opportunities for men

and women to realize their leadership potential are

practically the same. Men are not the only authority

that determines the dynamics of collective life in

society. Human civilization does not belong to men

with their image of superior masculinity. That,

women and men are equal individuals, have the same

or equal degree and dignity.

The reality about women reflects injustice. The

social system seems to have survived for so long with

a paternalistic culture. The political system in a

democratic society and religious structures still

maintain paternal authority, namely the authority of a

father figure who is a man. In this context, the

position and participation of women are arbitrarily

limited. Women's leadership has not received an ideal

space for expression because of the monopoly and

manipulation of patriarchy. In society itself,

patriarchy is a culture, where it has been regulated

that men are said to have a nature that is privileged by

regulating and maintaining so that they gain

dominance and assert their power over women.

Men define themselves by their actions, and

women identify themselves with men. In speech,

women are open or limited to their functions and

situations. Gender stereotypes continue to be passed

ICHELS 2024 - The International Conference on Humanities Education, Law, and Social Science

134

down from generation to generation even to modern

times like today, making women's space for

movement narrow, until women become reluctant,

afraid, and ashamed to be different or not in

accordance with their stereotypes for fear of violating

their "nature" as a woman.

Several approaches to address this silencing, one

of which is through education and awareness of the

role of language and stereotypes in silencing women.

Fighting for gender equality and creating inclusive

spaces for women to speak up and actively participate

in various social contexts is also an important focus.

The idea that women are the second sex or just

friends behind men exacerbates gender

discrimination in the form of stereotypes, domination,

marginalization, and carrying two burdens. However,

current conditions show progress in terms of

protection from employers and work supervisors.

Therefore, awareness of gender equality is essential

for fidelity not only in regulations but also in the

socio-cultural components of society to prevent

gender-based discrimination against women workers

in the future.

Social structures influenced by patriot culture

provide meaning. About biological differences that

determine the behaviour of men and women.

Restrictions on rights, access, and social involvement

stem from this. Different societies have different

expectations for women and men in terms of roles,

duties, and places. Some societies want to limit the

roles - such as household and professional - that they

believe belong to men and women. Cultural

engagement is also a major focus, communicating

gender and gender meanings and creating inclusive

spaces where women can speak and actively

participate in different social contexts.

Gender discrimination in the form of stereotypes,

subordination, marginalization, and double burdens is

exacerbated by the perception that women act as a

second gender or just friends in the background

leading to a patriarchal culture that ultimately leads to

inequality and discrimination between men and

women (Rohmany, Alfirdaus, & Fitriyah, 2023).

2 METHOD

We use a qualitative descriptive research method in

this study. According to (Nasution, 2023) in his book

entitled Qualitative Research Methods, using a

research method is a way to collect data for a specific

application or purpose in a scientific way. In the

research that has been conducted, we obtained

empirical data, with correct criteria or according to

facts, reliable, and objective. This research was

conducted on girls whose criteria were in accordance

with the author's expectations, who were the youngest

children and in accordance with the theme and title of

the research. By using the muted group theory, this

research only focuses on the experiences of the

youngest daughter in the family.

The technique we used to collect data in this study

was by interviewing several informants face-to-face

so that the information or data obtained was complete.

The interviews conducted were aimed at finding out

more about the experiences of informants who felt

that their families always treated them like children

or always considered them immature. Interviews

were conducted with eight informants. These eight

informants were selected because they met the

informant criteria required in this study. After that,

we classified and collected the data that had been

obtained. From the data that has been collected from

the results of informant interviews, it is then reduced

according to the typification’s needed in this study so

that relevant data can be presented, and conclusions

can be drawn that have been verified from library

sources and the results of interviews with informants.

3 RESULTS

From the results of the research that has been

conducted by the author to eight informants with an

interview system, the author found that many of them

still feel that their opinions are not heard and

sometimes not included in family discussions because

they are still considered as small children by their

families. The following is a brief profile of the

informants with initialled names:

No Name Age

(Years)

1. APN 19

2. FZ 20

3. ST 19

F 19

5. FD 21

6. F 20

7. IN 19

8. SZ 19

Table 1: Profile Informants.

An Alienated Voice: The Last Girl Never Seen as an Adult by Her Family

135

3.1 Often Giving Opinions When

Gathering with Family but

Considered as Passing Wind

Based on the results of interviews with eight

informants, two informants (FZ and IN) answered

that they rarely expressed their opinions during

family gatherings.

"My family rarely listens to my opinion," said FZ.

IN also experienced the same thing.

Two informants (APN and NF) answered that

they often expressed their opinions,

"Actually, I myself rarely express my opinion. I'm

already lazy. So, I just listen," said APN. NF

apparently also had the same experience.

Two informants (ST and FD) answered that they

only sometimes expressed their opinions during

family gatherings. One informant (F) answered that

they often gave suggestions but were ignored. One

informant (SZ) answered that they never gave their

opinions during family gatherings. From the results

that have been obtained, it is not often that a last child

expresses his or her opinion during family gatherings.

This could be due to a lack of trust in the child or not

being given trust by his or her family.

Family formation is very important. If the child is

good, his or her parents will also be very good, and

this will play a big role in helping the child achieve

his or her dreams and realize his or her potential. In

addition, because we are a nation of successors, it is

important for children to learn self-confidence so that

they become adults who can achieve their maximum

potential and adapt to their environment. To be able

to achieve or do this, parents need to instil a sense of

self-confidence in their children from an early age, so

that children can easily do what they want to achieve

and can also face all the challenges in their lives with

full confidence. Self-confidence is one of the key

components of a child's social and emotional growth

as adults (Fabiani & Krisnani, 2020)

According to Rohma (2018) self-confidence in

children can be done or built from an early age. The

most important thing that must be present when

building a child's self-confidence is the role of

parents. So, parents have an important role in building

a child's self-confidence and character. Because

parents are the most important people in learning

about attitudes, behavior, and language in a child. A

child at the age of play has begun to build a sense of

shame, guilt, and self-confidence. According to

Mirhan & Kurnia (Sulfemi, 2020), self-confidence is

a person's ability to overcome various challenges and

situations, in order to avoid various forms of negative

impacts from certain situations. In addition, to make

it easier to achieve success without depending on

anyone. According to Lie (Kurniasih, Supena, &

Nurani, 2021) when a child is confident, he can

complete tasks according to his developmental stage,

has the courage to improve his own achievements,

and grows into a healthy and independent adult.

Shows how a child's confidence in himself can grow.

Based on extreme research conducted by Ayu

Antini, it states that the show and tell method makes

children's self-confidence grow, because it involves

children's involvement in direct learning activities by

asking them to tell stories about things they bring

from home, such as personal items, favorite foods,

and pictures or photos. The use of tangible objects

makes it easier for children to tell stories and make

their friends interested, arouses their curiosity, and

becomes a shining moment so that it increases the

child's self-confidence (Kurniasih, Supena, & Nurani,

2021). Therefore, the family is one of the sources of

self-confidence in a child that grows, by motivating

and supporting the child, so that he is not afraid to

face all the challenges he is facing. The family is also

the foundation for a child to form a positive opinion

about himself, thus helping him become a good

person. Families who build positive relationships

with anything and anyone, implement positive norms,

develop positive skills, and foster or provide positive

opinions can help a child's self-confidence increase.

3.2 Daughter Is Often Asked to Give

Their Opinion, but It Is Not Used

From the interview results, four (SZ, ST, FD, and F)

of the eight informants answered that they were quite

often asked for their opinions by their families, but

these opinions were rarely heard and sometimes

rejected by the opinions of older people in the family,

such as parents or older siblings. From the results of

the study, it shows how the interaction between the

youngest daughter or vice versa, with the perceptions

of each party. In addition, it also shows the challenges

faced by the youngest daughter, namely social and

psychological challenges. Then, with the results of

this study, the role of the family is very important,

namely providing support and recognition for the

development and formation of a child's character. By

implementing the role of parents like this, a child can

become a confident person and be able to express

their opinions.

The effective communication process is being

heard and willing to listen. In communication, it

should not be possible for someone to only want to be

heard by others but must be able to listen to the voices

of others, so that good communication can be created

ICHELS 2024 - The International Conference on Humanities Education, Law, and Social Science

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and avoid misunderstandings. Parents are very

important family members because children,

especially those who are still minors and still under

the supervision of their parents, spend most of their

lives at home. Especially mothers, mothers play a

very important role in the family. Therefore, parents

and families have a very important role in educating

their children about religion and society. Parents play

an important role in shaping the personality, ethics,

and others in children.

Parents must be able to behave and act well in

teaching something to their children, so that the

children can imitate well too, because parents are

basically examples or role models for their children

(Efrianus, 2020). Parents often feel that children

should always listen to them, if parents already have

enough life experience to order and advise their

children. In some cases, parents may force their

wishes on their children too much without asking for

their child's consideration. This is unknowingly

parents have dominated communication without

considering the child's feelings (Bainar, 2020).

A daughter needs to be heard to express what he

is feeling, what he wants or doesn't want. By listening

to daughter, daughter will open up and make parents

a place to tell what they are feeling and are or have

experienced, both in small and big things

(Maidenberg, 2021). In addition, a daughter really

needs attention and becomes lazy to talk when no one

listens to him properly. Therefore, the role of parents

is very important to appreciate and listen when

children are talking. That way, a daughter can easily

and confidently express their opinions when they are

outside their family environment.

3.3 Considered a Child, Even Though

He Is over 18 Years Old

The results of interviews conducted by the author

with eight informants, eight (APN, SZ, FZ, ST, NF,

FD, F, and IN) of them felt that they were often

considered as small children by their families even

though they were over eighteen years old. This

happened because of the labelling of the last daughter

attached to them. Some families think that the last

daughter still needs to be looked after and the

opinions they express are considered nonsense

because of this label. In the case study conducted by

the author and based on the Muted Group Theory

which states that there are certain groups that are

silent because they do not have much power to stand

up and speak for themselves (Olayinka Susan

OGUNDOYIN, 2020). The last daughter usually does

not have the power to express what she wants to feel

because she is afraid. This can be influenced by the

results of the parenting pattern.

By guiding, teaching, and caring for their

children, parents hope that their offspring will have

the knowledge, morals, values, and abilities needed to

be accepted in society. This is known as parenting.

Because this forms the child's personality in the

future, choosing the right and effective parenting

style is very important for the child's psychological

development, because if there is a mistake in

parenting, the child and parents will bear the

consequences. Every parent has their own way of

raising their children, which can be said that parents

have their own way of educating their children. And

authoritarian parenting is one of the parenting styles

that is often used by parents.

According to Asri & Dewi from (Ramadhani,

Syarifah, & Sera, 2022) this authoritarian parenting

style is a way for parents to limit their children and

use a form of violence or coercion to teach them to

obey their orders. There are two aspects of

authoritarian parenting according to Baumrind from

(Ramadhani, Syarifah, & Sera, 2022), namely low

responsiveness and high demandingness. Low

responsiveness is when parents are cold towards their

children, do not listen to what their children want, and

do not care enough about what their children need.

While high demandingness is where parents are too

restrictive of their children, set rules, and threaten to

punish them if their demands are not immediately

met. This kind of parenting style makes children

afraid to speak or express their opinions.

3.4 Opinions That Are Not Heard

Make Daughter Less Confident

According to Sudarwari in the article (Asmawi &

Bakry, 2020) etymologically the word "woman"

comes from the word "empu" which means "master",

"skilled or powerful", "leader", "superior", or

"greatest". The word "woman" is also related to the

word "amp" which means "support", "rule",

"advocate", or "security guard".

"Support" means preventing decline and support

to prevent collapse, and "support" means ruling a

region or country. In addition, the term "restraint" can

mean anchor, support, or savior. “Empu” then

became “Empuan” and finally “Puan” which is used

as an expression of respect for women.

The lack of the right to speak in the family

environment certainly greatly affects a person's

psychology. Laziness and fear to speak or express

opinions, because they are afraid that what is

expressed is wrong. Not being able to speak fluently,

An Alienated Voice: The Last Girl Never Seen as an Adult by Her Family

137

prolonged stress, and mindset. Someone who grows

up in a family that discriminates often has low self-

confidence and a high desire to be heard because they

do not get it from those closest to them.

The results of the interviews conducted by the

author, seven out of eight informants felt lazy to

express their opinions because their opinions were

never appreciated, they were also afraid to express

what they felt so that this caused prolonged stress.

The role of women shows that they have a very

significant existence, both in the present and previous

eras, although this gives rise to differences of opinion.

In addition, women often experience negative stigma,

and their contributions are often considered limited to

domestic affairs, to the point of sidelining their roles

that are outside traditional social boundaries. This

shows that there is a poor understanding of the

position of women. For example, many opinions from

extremist’s state that women should not have access

(Harahap, 2022).

3.5 The Last Daughter Has Less

Responsibilities

Gender equality is the idea that women and men have

the freedom to develop their potential and make

decisions without being limited by stereotypes,

prejudices, or rigid gender roles. Children are gifts

given by the Almighty and have different potentials

because they have their own uniqueness and

specialties. However, what happens if there are

differences between them, in a family when viewed

from the status of the child consisting of the eldest

(first child), middle, and youngest (last child). The

title of youngest is the title given to the last child.

According to research by Setyapremesty (Karina

& Herdiyanto), it is known that there are differences

in children's personalities based on their birth order,

29 only children, 27 older children, 26 middle

children, and 26 youngest children who attend State

Vocational Schools in Yogyakarta show differences

in self-image related to birth order.

The oldest child has the highest self-image,

followed by the youngest child, then the middle child,

and finally the only child. Moreover, birth order is not

just a serial number, but it is related to the

psychological response to the family's birth order,

which can shape experiences, perceptions, and

personality.

In everyday life, we see that parents treat their

sons and daughters differently depending on their

birth order, but their parenting practices are often in

accordance with the methods applied in society. The

customs of the surrounding community are

considered successful and suitable for raising

children to adulthood, so that the customs adopted by

the culture of a society or community should be used

by everyone in raising children influencing parents.

The research we conducted with eight informants,

it was found that one of them answered correctly that

the youngest child was given lighter responsibilities

than his other siblings because he was always

considered immature, but seven of them answered

that they felt that they were not given less

responsibility than their other siblings, which means

that in terms of giving responsibility to children, it

can be seen that the status of the order of the child is

not something that is seen.

3.6 Doubtful about Making Decisions

From the interviews we conducted with eight

informants who were the youngest daughters with

questions about how much their opinions were

listened to by their families, five of them answered

that they felt that their opinions were not heard and

not involved by their families, and the rest of them

felt that their opinions were heard quite a bit. This is

because they are still considered not mature enough

to be involved in their family's problems.

The influence of culture on children shapes their

personalities according to prevailing cultural norms.

Inability in one component of education can result in

low levels of personal independence. This may be

caused by a disharmonious relationship with parents,

good relationships with coworkers, or other factors.

Independence is the ability to act, feel, and make

decisions on your own. Parenting patterns can affect

the level of independence of adolescents. This shows

that the way parents interact with their eldest and

youngest children can affect their independence. The

birth order in a family can be an important factor in a

person's lifelong personal and social adjustment,

which also has implications for parental discipline.

Parents generally treat their children differently based

on their birth order. (Putri, Yusri, & Rahmi, 2022).

Based on our research, 7 of the informants

answered that they were still not allowed to make

decisions for themselves when it came to things that

were considered important for the future, for example

regarding their studies or careers. This is due to the

long-term effects of these decisions, the youngest,

especially women, are still considered unable to make

their own decisions because they are considered

unable to think in the long term, this is the reason they

are not allowed to make their own decisions.

According to Hani (Putri, Yusri, & Rahmi, 2022)

children have their own uniqueness, this requires

ICHELS 2024 - The International Conference on Humanities Education, Law, and Social Science

138

different treatment, services, and care, so as not to

cause harm to the child himself, other children, or the

family. The obstacles faced by women in taking on

decision-making roles in the household are the lack

of integration between women and men (Martauli,

Karo, & Lara, 2023).

If a child refuses his parents' order to marry

someone he does not like, this is not an act of

disobedience. On the contrary, refusing the order and

giving advice in a good way to parents so that they do

not force marriage with someone they do not love is

one form of devotion to parents. Women have full

freedom to choose their life partners and are

prohibited from being married by force. A girl's

marriage will not take place without the permission

and consent of the woman. Women and men have

equal status in the eyes of the law, and Islam gives

women the same rights to end a marriage if necessary

(Asmawi & Bakry, 2020).

4 CONCLUSIONS

The last daughter makes decisions and often faces

challenges in gaining recognition, gaining freedom to

make decisions, and getting equal treatment with her

siblings. This shows the need for awareness and

efforts to treat each child fairly and provide equal

opportunities to develop. There is a tendency in

culture to give different treatment to children based

on their birth order. The youngest child is often given

lighter responsibilities and is given less freedom to

make important decisions for themselves.

Seeing the various forms of stereotypes and myths

believed by society, it seems that this raises its own

concerns that we need to reflect on further. So how

does the implementation of power carried out by the

dominant party play an active role in the formation of

the collective unconscious in society.

The process of forming the collective

unconscious is determined by the party in power, in

this case the dominant party. Power is a tool

belonging to a particular social group, agency or

organization used to control the actions and thoughts

of others, with the aim of limiting the freedom of the

other group.

The nature and treatment that are associated with

men and women are basically described that men

have the opposite nature and behavior to women who

are described as emotional, can cook, motherly, like

cleaning, weak, etc. Meanwhile, men are depicted as

not liking to clean, not being able to cook, thinking

logically, having to be strong, and so on.

According to Anjani in (Rohmany, Alfirdaus, &

Fitriyah, 2023) the concept of gender justice is an

effort to provide equality for male and female

genders. Efforts to prove this justice are by making

more efforts that socially and historically can prevent

women and men from playing roles with the results

of the roles played.

Gender equality in Indonesia began with

Presidential Instruction of the Republic of Indonesia

Number 9 in 2000 which discussed gender

mainstreaming. In other words, the concept of gender

equality began to be introduced to society in the early

2000s. However, it is estimated that this cannot yet be

applied in the context of the family, because

understanding of gender equality has not penetrated

society. Therefore, action is needed, such as

conducting in-depth research to determine the extent

to which society recognizes gender equality within

the family. The purpose of this study is to understand

society's views on gender equality in a family

(Qomariah, 2019).

It requires cooperation, a sense of

complementarity and respect within the family,

regardless of the order in the family, especially for

parents who must divide roles so that children in the

family can achieve gender equality and freely express

their opinions, regardless of birth order.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Thank you to the Faculty of Social Sciences and Law,

Universitas Negeri Jakarta, for providing financial

support for the publication costs of this article.

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