Communication in Commuter Marriage Couples in Building

Relationship Quality

Annisa Citra Triyandra

, Sri Oktika Amran

, Ayu Adriyani

, Evelynd

Muhammad David Hendra

, AB Sarca Putera

, Relly Anjar Vinata Wisnu Saputra

and Elsa Fitri Amran

Universitas Negeri Padang, Indonesia

Universitas Islam Negeri Mahmud Yunus Batusangkar, Indonesia

Keywords: Communication Patterns, Commuter Marriage, Relationship Quality.

Abstract: Commuter marriage is a condition that requires a husband and wife to have a long-distance relationship due

to work demands. Communicating is one form of negotiation that can be done to create trust in a relationship.

However, the reality is that many couples are still involved in disputes caused by errors in communication.

To describe this reality, the researcher will explain how the communication patterns of commuter marriage

couples in building relationship quality. This research will use a qualitative method with a case study

approach. Research informants were determined by purposive sampling, with the characteristics of informants

being married couples in long-distance relationships due to work demands, young couples whose marriage

age is no more than five years, and couples who already have children under the age of 5 years. The data

collection techniques that will be used are in-depth interviews, observations, documentation studies and data

triangulation. The results of this study show that commuter marriage couples, as much as possible, always

take the time to continue communicating despite their busy work schedules. In this case, digital media is the

spearhead of their communication. Mutual trust and understanding are the keys to maintaining a harmonious

relationship.

1 INTRODUCTION

The marriage trend in the 2012-2022 period continues

to experience a fluctuating decline. Data from the

Central Statistics Agency (BPS) shows that in the last

10 years, the number of marriages has reached its

lowest figure, namely 1,705,348 marriages in 2022

and 2,289,648 in 2012 (Sadya, 2023). This decline in

marriage rates is a significant social trend that has

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implications for various aspects of society, including

family dynamics and relationship quality.

Understanding the factors contributing to this trend,

particularly in the context of commuter marriages, is

crucial for addressing the challenges faced by modern

couples.

Marriage is a legal commitment between two

people to share physical and emotional intimacy,

tasks, and sources of income (Olson & Defrain,

2006). Law of the Republic of Indonesia No. 1 of

206

Triyandra, A. C., Amran, S. O., Adriyani, A., Evelynd, , Hendra, M. D., Putera, A. S., Saputra, R. A. V. W. and Amran, E. F.

Communication in Commuter Marriage Couples in Building Relationship Quality.

DOI: 10.5220/0013408000004654

In Proceedings of the 4th International Conference on Humanities Education, Law, and Social Science (ICHELS 2024), pages 206-211

ISBN: 978-989-758-752-8

1974 also emphasizes that the goal of marriage is to

form an eternally happy family. However,

commitment and achieving goals require many

choices from each person involved in the bond.

For example, the issue of fulfilling family needs

and the economy can cause people involved in a

marriage to decide to live far apart due to career and

work factors. The condition described is also called

commuter marriage. This phenomenon is still

common (Lutfiyah & Stanislaus, 2017; Qadariyah &

Kinanthi, 2023).

Commuter marriage is a condition that requires

husband and wife to live apart for a certain period due

to work reasons rooted in the problem of fulfilling

family needs and economy. Unfortunately, although

the position of commuter marriage is a solution for

one thing, in other things, it triggers conflict in

marriage. For example, the emergence of emotional

impacts, such as loneliness, stress, and depression

(Amanah, 2014). Couples who are geographically

distant have a 40% higher risk of divorce (Amanah,

2014). The underlying cause of this situation is the

lack of intimate moments that can be created between

couples. Intimacy can be related to sacrifice,

commitment, compromise, caring, etc. (Agustin et al.,

2018).

In commuter marriage couples, one way to

negotiate the situation experienced by each partner is

to improve the quality of communication (LINTANG,

2021). The quality of communication also plays a

significant role in maintaining marital commitment in

couples involved in the bonds of marriage (Adelina &

Meda, 2014). The quality of communication is also

related to the marital satisfaction of commuter

marriage couples (Jannah & Wulandari, 2022).

Devito (DeVito, 2022) mentioned that there are

several things to see in the quality of family

communication: openness, empathy, support, positive

attitude, and equality. Meanwhile, communication

satisfaction can also be seen in the ability to listen,

speak, and share ideas that lead to understanding each

other (Jannah & Wulandari, 2022).

Researchers who focus their studies on commuter

marriage are numerous. One is the study of the

Picture of Marital Satisfaction in Married Couples

Undergoing Commuter Marriage conducted by

Jannah and Wulandari (Jannah & Wulandari, 2022).

This study shows that the problems faced by

commuter marriage couples include the need for

intimacy, support and trust, as well as aspects of role

sharing and child care.

Furthermore, research on the description of

intimacy and subjective well-being in wives

undergoing commuter marriage (Khalis, 2018)

focuses on efforts to see the quality of interaction in

relationships to achieve household well-being.

Research on Self-Disclosure and Marital

Commitment: A Correlation Study on Individuals

Undergoing Commuter Marriage (Qadariyah &

Kinanthi, 2023). This study proves a relationship

between self-disclosure and the types of marital

commitment in individuals in a commuter marriage

relationship. Specifically, the higher the personal,

moral, or structural commitment in a commuter

marriage relationship, the higher the opportunity for

self-disclosure in each partner.

However, from previous studies, only some have

focused on new commuter marriage couples

(adjusting couple type). This type is a couple whose

marriage is still in the 0-5 year range with children

who are still toddlers and do not have children yet.

Therefore, through the explanation above, the

researcher is interested in analyzing how commuter

marriage couples of the adjusting couple type carry

out the communication patterns. As one of the

essential elements to maintain the sustainability of the

commuter marriage couple relationship, this study

will aim to answer how the communication pattern of

commuter marriage couples builds a quality

relationship.

2 METHOD

This qualitative research uses a case study approach

(Creswell, 2017). Based on the context of this

research, commuter marriage is a phenomenon that

attracts attention to be described to make it easier to

understand how married couples who must be

separated by distance and time can communicate

everything to maintain their relationship to create a

good relationship quality. As a technique for data

collection, this study uses observation, in-depth

interviews, documentation studies, and data

triangulation. In conducting observations, researchers

will observe how couples who adjust the type of

commuter marriage communicate to build the quality

of their relationships. Furthermore, researchers will

also conduct in-depth interviews using purposive

sampling techniques to determine their informants.

The criteria for informants in this study are married

couples who are in long-distance relationships for

reasons of work demands, young couples whose

marriage age is no more than five years, and couples

who have children under the age of 5 years.

Communication in Commuter Marriage Couples in Building Relationship Quality

207

3 RESULT AND DISCUSSION

A career is crucial for most of humanity. The

increasing needs of life and hopes for the better make

careers a top priority and make the demands of a

career even greater. Competition in the professional

world is getting harder every day, so those who have

a career must be able to sacrifice important things in

their lives. One of which is married life.

Ideally, both partners live together in a marriage.

However, for those with career demands, it becomes

difficult because they have to sacrifice the ideal of a

family because of work demands. Working couples

must give up living together to maintain a career for

a better life for the next generation. This can also be

called the commuter marriage phenomenon.

Commuter marriage is a challenging situation,

especially for couples of the adjusting type. Couples

who work and have children in a commuter marriage

tend to have strain-based conflict, where the father

and mother are too focused on work (Triyandra et al.,

2020) Commuter marriage (Darahim, 2015) is

defined as a husband and wife who decide voluntarily,

commit to not living with their partner, and are

separated by a certain distance in order to meet the

demands of something.

This study focuses on the adjusting type of

commuter marriage, where in this type, the age of

marriage is still categorized as young. The couples in

this study stated that they agreed to run a commuter

marriage before getting married, meaning they agreed

to rely on Trust in running a commuter marriage.

Trust is an essential aspect of a marriage; this is very

important for those who live far apart. Living far

away from a partner increases Trust between them,

which causes them to experience challenges. Trust is

necessary for the relationship to go well, and the

couple will hesitate to invest in the relationship

(Jannah & Wulandari, 2022).

When compared to commuter marriage couples

with a marriage age of over five years (established

type), based on the results of observations that have

been made, communication and Trust factors are no

longer the main factors that hinder their relationship.

Financial and child factors are the main focus in

marriages over five years old. Established-type

couples in this condition have passed the early

vulnerable phase of marriage, where they already

have satisfaction in communication, conflict

resolution, personality, and free time (Jannah &

Wulandari, 2022). So, in this case, adjusting-type

couples need to strengthen the level of Trust between

partners to achieve positive relationship satisfaction.

Trust is divided into dimensions consisting of

predictability, dependability, and faith. Predictability

is the ability of an individual to provide actions and

behaviors of a partner based on past actions and

behaviors. In comparison, dependability is a state

where an individual can rely on a partner and is

confident that the partner can be relied on. Faith is the

individual's hope for a positive reaction from their

partner, where the partner will understand, devote,

and care about whatever obstacles they face and

believe in the continuity of the relationship, even

though the time is uncertain (Amanah, 2014).

The predictability of couples in this study can be

seen from the agreement between couples who have

both agreed to undergo a commuter marriage before

the couples finally decide to get married, even though

they have to live far apart. Dependability, in this case,

can be seen from the purpose of those who decide to

undergo a commuter marriage to work together and

prepare for a better future economically. Then this

couple also has strong faith by maintaining good

communication with each other, which is one of the

keys to marriage, as well as respect, responsibility,

and trust in each other even though they are separated

by distance.

The distance then forces couples to try to improve

the quality of their relationship. Communication is

the primary key to maintaining the quality of the

relationship so that it remains good. The advancement

of communication technology today is used as a

mainstay for couples in maintaining their long-

distance marriage relationship.

The couples in this study utilized digital media as

a virtual communication medium to exchange news

during their work time. Digital media greatly helps

couples to continue communicating without

limitations of space and time, thus refuting the

statement that distance is a barrier to establishing a

marriage relationship. It can be said that digital media

is the mainstay of communication for commuter

marriage couples (Rubyasih, 2016; Vebyanti, 2013;

Widhistyasari & Abidin, 2016). In this case,

WhatsApp is used as their mainstay as a medium to

exchange news and interact with each other.

WhatsApp has also become the primary means of

interpersonal communication for these couples when

they are far apart because of the features that allow

them to interact more intensely. With the text

message, voice call, and video call features on

WhatsApp, it is also possible for the couple to

connect in real-time even though they are in different

places. Thus, WhatsApp has become a medium of

intimacy for long-distance married couples. In

addition, another supporting media is Instagram,

ICHELS 2024 - The International Conference on Humanities Education, Law, and Social Science

208

where this media is used as an entertainment activity

for each other when they are far apart.

Distance in a relationship can reassess the

behavior of a couple. One statement from the source

stated that couples become more attentive when they

are far apart so that they reap positive responses; for

example, communication becomes good and

consistent, and attention given to each partner is also

more than when they are close. The higher the

intensity of communication, the more positive the

quality of the relationship will be indirectly. The

quality of this relationship is then used as a good

foundation for a relationship by increasing a sense of

openness, empathy, mutual support, positive

attitudes, and equality. This aligns with Nastiti's

research (Nastiti & Wismanto, 2017), citing Dhal's

statement that in commuter marriage, couples make

them stronger, equal participation, commitment, and

greater mutual Trust than couples who do not have

long-distance relationships.

On the other hand, a different source explained

that distance has another impact on their partners.

They feel that their partners do not have much free

time to exchange news since they are required to be

separated by distance due to work demands. This will

undoubtedly have a negative impact, such as

misunderstandings that lead to conflict.

This is in line with Mijilputri's research

(Mijilputri, 2014), which identified that obstacles in

long-distance communication can cause negative

thoughts and misunderstandings that will result in

conflict. The obstacles in long-distance

communication need to be clarified, namely,

misunderstanding of messages received between

communication actors, especially couples who should

have high communication intensity. This also

happened to other sources in this study. There needed

to be a better understanding of messages received

about whether there was a decision that had to be

resolved immediately. Moreover, the difference in

distance and time is a factor in misunderstanding

communication, which leads to conflict. Conflict

manifests in anger, quarrels, aggressiveness,

violence, and hatred. This conflict is like a coin with

two sides; first, conflict can cause revenge, hostility,

separation, and even divorce. Second, conflict can

lead to mutual understanding, getting closer, and

respecting each other (Igbo & Awopetu, 2015).

In this study, conflict occurs due to ineffective

communication through a medium. Informants

revealed that the lack of intimacy in married life

sometimes brings negative influences, such as

suspicions between the two parties. This is due to the

different busyness of the couples, which can affect the

quality and time of communication between the

couples.

Commuter-marriage couples of the adjusting type

are at risk of experiencing problems such as

frustration, loneliness, and excessive anxiety. In

contrast, established couples have the potential to be

more able to adapt to the conditions of a commuter

marriage (Handayani, 2016) Barnett and Hyde, who

found that long-distance relationships cause

excessive roles or role conflicts and affect the

progress of roles in the work environment and at

home (Roehling & Bultman, 2002) reinforce this.

Conflict in a relationship is very common.

Especially in a long-distance marriage, many small

things can conflict because of the limitations of space

and time that separate them. In this case, a sense of

openness and mutual Trust are needed in

communication.

Commuter marriage has a more significant

challenge because they have to be willing to sacrifice

many things. One of them is a situation that requires

one of the partners to lie, or the message conveyed in

communication is not the truth. The condition of lying

here is done for the common good of the commuter

marriage couple. In certain circumstances, one of the

partners gives the other news in a happy state, but in

reality, one is actually in a bad condition. These things

are considered for the common good. The condition

of couples who are far apart sometimes also causes

jealousy if one of them forgets or does not give news.

However, dishonesty and a lack of Trust can

impact the relationship (Cole, 2001). Emotionally,

couples who cannot channel their feelings to their

partners have a negative impact on the quality of their

relationship. In this study, the psychological impact

that emerged was the absence of a place to release

emotions, which resulted in a sense of loneliness.

This can also have a long-term effect that causes

stress for couples.

Therefore, openness, Trust, and mutual support

between couples are very much needed, especially for

adjusting-type commuter marriage couples who have

just experienced living together and still need warmth

and harmony in a relationship. Trust between couples

is achieved by allowing them to carry out their social

activities. Couples, both husband and wife, can

interact with office friends, go on business trips, or do

hobbies with their community. However, in carrying

out these activities, the couples still give each other

news to grow a sense of Trust in each other even

though they are separated by distance.

Like most marriages, they have ups and downs

and are hit by various challenges and problems.

Commuter marriages also experience this. The

Communication in Commuter Marriage Couples in Building Relationship Quality

209

distance separating the two partners requires the

couple to make various efforts to maintain a

harmonious relationship and minimize conflicts.

Conflict resolution strategies vary for each couple, as

with the sources in this study. One source stated that

the conflict resolution strategy is taking special time

(quality time) by trying to meet in person, and the

most important thing, of course, is assertive

communication that understands and understands

each other in everything. This couple can also take the

time to ask each other routine things, tell each other

about daily activities, and flirt.

Another source mentioned that their conflict

resolution strategy was to virtually try new things

with their partner. According to them, utilizing

technological advances can reduce conflict due to a

lack of time together by playing games and watching

movies with their partner virtually. Although not too

much can be conveyed, the longing between partners

will be cured. Then, making unique plans and goals

together can foster enthusiasm between partners and

minimize arguments.

Lubis' research also explains that phatic

communication can be useful for exploring the

harmony of commuter marriage with the aim of

pleasing the person you are talking to. In addition,

phatic communication can also break the stiff sauna

in married couples so that they become warmer, more

comfortable, and harmonious every time they

communicate via Skype (Lubis, 2021)

Of course, these things are challenging because

they require good communication, relationship

maintenance, and effort to maintain the relationship.

In line with Mulyadi's research (Mulyadi, 2017),

positive attitudes and suppressing hostile

atmospheres do not affect partner relationships. In

addition, Mijilputri's research (Mijilputri, 2014) also

mentions conflict identity, which is that simplifying

conflicts that have the potential to become significant

conflicts can make both partners learn from each

other, be open, and understand each other.

The view that communication is the main priority

(key) is reinforced by Scott (Scott, 2002) who stated

that communication is one of the primary keys in

forming intimacy in commuter marriage couples is

communication, which will impact family harmony.

Intense and ongoing conversations are the foundation

for maintaining household harmony (Rubyasih, 2016)

Then, activities to maintain the intensity of

communication with a partner are an effort to

maintain the sustainability of marriage (Widhistyasari

& Abidin, 2016).

A longitudinal study by Sandow (Sandow, 2010)

found a 40% higher risk of divorce in commuter

marriage couples. The separation distance can make

a couple's life harder and cause stress (Gerstel &

Gross, 1982). However, the commuter marriage

actors in this study made various efforts to maintain

harmony between their partners, including building

good communication with Trust, namely

predictability, dependability, and faith. In addition,

commuter marriage couples in the study also utilized

relationship management and phatic communication.

Then, the couple can continually spend and make the

best of their time, minimize conflict and respect

between partners, and support each other.

Furthermore, every marriage certainly brings hopes

and family goals that each partner desires. Commuter

marriage also brings wisdom that is grateful for by the

subjects, namely fostering a sense of Trust and

responsibility between partners, appreciating time

together more, and being able to improve economic

needs for the better.

4 CONCLUSION

From the discussion that has been explained above, it

can be concluded that commuter marriage couples

rely on virtual communication. The advancement of

communication technology today greatly helps

couples to communicate. Intense communication

through social media, such as chat and video calls, is

today's central pillar of their communication.

However, communication in this way still needs to be

more effective for them. Long-distance couples prefer

direct and face-to-face communication because they

can directly see their partner's expression. With direct

face-to-face communication, the couple also trusts

their partner more. According to them, the key to a

long-distance relationship is good communication. If

the communication goes well, a sense of trust in the

partner will emerge.

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