Communication in Commuter Marriage Couples in Building
Relationship Quality
Annisa Citra Triyandra
1a
, Sri Oktika Amran
1b
, Ayu Adriyani
1c
, Evelynd
1d
,
Muhammad David Hendra
1e
, AB Sarca Putera
1f
, Relly Anjar Vinata Wisnu Saputra
1g
and Elsa Fitri Amran
2h
1
Universitas Negeri Padang, Indonesia
2
Universitas Islam Negeri Mahmud Yunus Batusangkar, Indonesia
Keywords: Communication Patterns, Commuter Marriage, Relationship Quality.
Abstract: Commuter marriage is a condition that requires a husband and wife to have a long-distance relationship due
to work demands. Communicating is one form of negotiation that can be done to create trust in a relationship.
However, the reality is that many couples are still involved in disputes caused by errors in communication.
To describe this reality, the researcher will explain how the communication patterns of commuter marriage
couples in building relationship quality. This research will use a qualitative method with a case study
approach. Research informants were determined by purposive sampling, with the characteristics of informants
being married couples in long-distance relationships due to work demands, young couples whose marriage
age is no more than five years, and couples who already have children under the age of 5 years. The data
collection techniques that will be used are in-depth interviews, observations, documentation studies and data
triangulation. The results of this study show that commuter marriage couples, as much as possible, always
take the time to continue communicating despite their busy work schedules. In this case, digital media is the
spearhead of their communication. Mutual trust and understanding are the keys to maintaining a harmonious
relationship.
1 INTRODUCTION
The marriage trend in the 2012-2022 period continues
to experience a fluctuating decline. Data from the
Central Statistics Agency (BPS) shows that in the last
10 years, the number of marriages has reached its
lowest figure, namely 1,705,348 marriages in 2022
and 2,289,648 in 2012 (Sadya, 2023). This decline in
marriage rates is a significant social trend that has
a
https://orcid.org/0009-0001-8071-6732
b
https://orcid.org/0009-0008-5663-0489
c
https://orcid.org/0009-0000-7068-3378
d
https://orcid.org/0000-0003-1436-3294
e
https://orcid.org/0009-0002-6702-1319
f
https://orcid.org/0009-0008-1806-1211
g
https://orcid.org/0009-0006-0753-5894
h
https://orcid.org/0000-0002-5693-2785
implications for various aspects of society, including
family dynamics and relationship quality.
Understanding the factors contributing to this trend,
particularly in the context of commuter marriages, is
crucial for addressing the challenges faced by modern
couples.
Marriage is a legal commitment between two
people to share physical and emotional intimacy,
tasks, and sources of income (Olson & Defrain,
2006). Law of the Republic of Indonesia No. 1 of
206
Triyandra, A. C., Amran, S. O., Adriyani, A., Evelynd, , Hendra, M. D., Putera, A. S., Saputra, R. A. V. W. and Amran, E. F.
Communication in Commuter Marriage Couples in Building Relationship Quality.
DOI: 10.5220/0013408000004654
In Proceedings of the 4th International Conference on Humanities Education, Law, and Social Science (ICHELS 2024), pages 206-211
ISBN: 978-989-758-752-8
Copyright © 2025 by Paper published under CC license (CC BY-NC-ND 4.0)
1974 also emphasizes that the goal of marriage is to
form an eternally happy family. However,
commitment and achieving goals require many
choices from each person involved in the bond.
For example, the issue of fulfilling family needs
and the economy can cause people involved in a
marriage to decide to live far apart due to career and
work factors. The condition described is also called
commuter marriage. This phenomenon is still
common (Lutfiyah & Stanislaus, 2017; Qadariyah &
Kinanthi, 2023).
Commuter marriage is a condition that requires
husband and wife to live apart for a certain period due
to work reasons rooted in the problem of fulfilling
family needs and economy. Unfortunately, although
the position of commuter marriage is a solution for
one thing, in other things, it triggers conflict in
marriage. For example, the emergence of emotional
impacts, such as loneliness, stress, and depression
(Amanah, 2014). Couples who are geographically
distant have a 40% higher risk of divorce (Amanah,
2014). The underlying cause of this situation is the
lack of intimate moments that can be created between
couples. Intimacy can be related to sacrifice,
commitment, compromise, caring, etc. (Agustin et al.,
2018).
In commuter marriage couples, one way to
negotiate the situation experienced by each partner is
to improve the quality of communication (LINTANG,
2021). The quality of communication also plays a
significant role in maintaining marital commitment in
couples involved in the bonds of marriage (Adelina &
Meda, 2014). The quality of communication is also
related to the marital satisfaction of commuter
marriage couples (Jannah & Wulandari, 2022).
Devito (DeVito, 2022) mentioned that there are
several things to see in the quality of family
communication: openness, empathy, support, positive
attitude, and equality. Meanwhile, communication
satisfaction can also be seen in the ability to listen,
speak, and share ideas that lead to understanding each
other (Jannah & Wulandari, 2022).
Researchers who focus their studies on commuter
marriage are numerous. One is the study of the
Picture of Marital Satisfaction in Married Couples
Undergoing Commuter Marriage conducted by
Jannah and Wulandari (Jannah & Wulandari, 2022).
This study shows that the problems faced by
commuter marriage couples include the need for
intimacy, support and trust, as well as aspects of role
sharing and child care.
Furthermore, research on the description of
intimacy and subjective well-being in wives
undergoing commuter marriage (Khalis, 2018)
focuses on efforts to see the quality of interaction in
relationships to achieve household well-being.
Research on Self-Disclosure and Marital
Commitment: A Correlation Study on Individuals
Undergoing Commuter Marriage (Qadariyah &
Kinanthi, 2023). This study proves a relationship
between self-disclosure and the types of marital
commitment in individuals in a commuter marriage
relationship. Specifically, the higher the personal,
moral, or structural commitment in a commuter
marriage relationship, the higher the opportunity for
self-disclosure in each partner.
However, from previous studies, only some have
focused on new commuter marriage couples
(adjusting couple type). This type is a couple whose
marriage is still in the 0-5 year range with children
who are still toddlers and do not have children yet.
Therefore, through the explanation above, the
researcher is interested in analyzing how commuter
marriage couples of the adjusting couple type carry
out the communication patterns. As one of the
essential elements to maintain the sustainability of the
commuter marriage couple relationship, this study
will aim to answer how the communication pattern of
commuter marriage couples builds a quality
relationship.
2 METHOD
This qualitative research uses a case study approach
(Creswell, 2017). Based on the context of this
research, commuter marriage is a phenomenon that
attracts attention to be described to make it easier to
understand how married couples who must be
separated by distance and time can communicate
everything to maintain their relationship to create a
good relationship quality. As a technique for data
collection, this study uses observation, in-depth
interviews, documentation studies, and data
triangulation. In conducting observations, researchers
will observe how couples who adjust the type of
commuter marriage communicate to build the quality
of their relationships. Furthermore, researchers will
also conduct in-depth interviews using purposive
sampling techniques to determine their informants.
The criteria for informants in this study are married
couples who are in long-distance relationships for
reasons of work demands, young couples whose
marriage age is no more than five years, and couples
who have children under the age of 5 years.
Communication in Commuter Marriage Couples in Building Relationship Quality
207
3 RESULT AND DISCUSSION
A career is crucial for most of humanity. The
increasing needs of life and hopes for the better make
careers a top priority and make the demands of a
career even greater. Competition in the professional
world is getting harder every day, so those who have
a career must be able to sacrifice important things in
their lives. One of which is married life.
Ideally, both partners live together in a marriage.
However, for those with career demands, it becomes
difficult because they have to sacrifice the ideal of a
family because of work demands. Working couples
must give up living together to maintain a career for
a better life for the next generation. This can also be
called the commuter marriage phenomenon.
Commuter marriage is a challenging situation,
especially for couples of the adjusting type. Couples
who work and have children in a commuter marriage
tend to have strain-based conflict, where the father
and mother are too focused on work (Triyandra et al.,
2020) Commuter marriage (Darahim, 2015) is
defined as a husband and wife who decide voluntarily,
commit to not living with their partner, and are
separated by a certain distance in order to meet the
demands of something.
This study focuses on the adjusting type of
commuter marriage, where in this type, the age of
marriage is still categorized as young. The couples in
this study stated that they agreed to run a commuter
marriage before getting married, meaning they agreed
to rely on Trust in running a commuter marriage.
Trust is an essential aspect of a marriage; this is very
important for those who live far apart. Living far
away from a partner increases Trust between them,
which causes them to experience challenges. Trust is
necessary for the relationship to go well, and the
couple will hesitate to invest in the relationship
(Jannah & Wulandari, 2022).
When compared to commuter marriage couples
with a marriage age of over five years (established
type), based on the results of observations that have
been made, communication and Trust factors are no
longer the main factors that hinder their relationship.
Financial and child factors are the main focus in
marriages over five years old. Established-type
couples in this condition have passed the early
vulnerable phase of marriage, where they already
have satisfaction in communication, conflict
resolution, personality, and free time (Jannah &
Wulandari, 2022). So, in this case, adjusting-type
couples need to strengthen the level of Trust between
partners to achieve positive relationship satisfaction.
Trust is divided into dimensions consisting of
predictability, dependability, and faith. Predictability
is the ability of an individual to provide actions and
behaviors of a partner based on past actions and
behaviors. In comparison, dependability is a state
where an individual can rely on a partner and is
confident that the partner can be relied on. Faith is the
individual's hope for a positive reaction from their
partner, where the partner will understand, devote,
and care about whatever obstacles they face and
believe in the continuity of the relationship, even
though the time is uncertain (Amanah, 2014).
The predictability of couples in this study can be
seen from the agreement between couples who have
both agreed to undergo a commuter marriage before
the couples finally decide to get married, even though
they have to live far apart. Dependability, in this case,
can be seen from the purpose of those who decide to
undergo a commuter marriage to work together and
prepare for a better future economically. Then this
couple also has strong faith by maintaining good
communication with each other, which is one of the
keys to marriage, as well as respect, responsibility,
and trust in each other even though they are separated
by distance.
The distance then forces couples to try to improve
the quality of their relationship. Communication is
the primary key to maintaining the quality of the
relationship so that it remains good. The advancement
of communication technology today is used as a
mainstay for couples in maintaining their long-
distance marriage relationship.
The couples in this study utilized digital media as
a virtual communication medium to exchange news
during their work time. Digital media greatly helps
couples to continue communicating without
limitations of space and time, thus refuting the
statement that distance is a barrier to establishing a
marriage relationship. It can be said that digital media
is the mainstay of communication for commuter
marriage couples (Rubyasih, 2016; Vebyanti, 2013;
Widhistyasari & Abidin, 2016). In this case,
WhatsApp is used as their mainstay as a medium to
exchange news and interact with each other.
WhatsApp has also become the primary means of
interpersonal communication for these couples when
they are far apart because of the features that allow
them to interact more intensely. With the text
message, voice call, and video call features on
WhatsApp, it is also possible for the couple to
connect in real-time even though they are in different
places. Thus, WhatsApp has become a medium of
intimacy for long-distance married couples. In
addition, another supporting media is Instagram,
ICHELS 2024 - The International Conference on Humanities Education, Law, and Social Science
208
where this media is used as an entertainment activity
for each other when they are far apart.
Distance in a relationship can reassess the
behavior of a couple. One statement from the source
stated that couples become more attentive when they
are far apart so that they reap positive responses; for
example, communication becomes good and
consistent, and attention given to each partner is also
more than when they are close. The higher the
intensity of communication, the more positive the
quality of the relationship will be indirectly. The
quality of this relationship is then used as a good
foundation for a relationship by increasing a sense of
openness, empathy, mutual support, positive
attitudes, and equality. This aligns with Nastiti's
research (Nastiti & Wismanto, 2017), citing Dhal's
statement that in commuter marriage, couples make
them stronger, equal participation, commitment, and
greater mutual Trust than couples who do not have
long-distance relationships.
On the other hand, a different source explained
that distance has another impact on their partners.
They feel that their partners do not have much free
time to exchange news since they are required to be
separated by distance due to work demands. This will
undoubtedly have a negative impact, such as
misunderstandings that lead to conflict.
This is in line with Mijilputri's research
(Mijilputri, 2014), which identified that obstacles in
long-distance communication can cause negative
thoughts and misunderstandings that will result in
conflict. The obstacles in long-distance
communication need to be clarified, namely,
misunderstanding of messages received between
communication actors, especially couples who should
have high communication intensity. This also
happened to other sources in this study. There needed
to be a better understanding of messages received
about whether there was a decision that had to be
resolved immediately. Moreover, the difference in
distance and time is a factor in misunderstanding
communication, which leads to conflict. Conflict
manifests in anger, quarrels, aggressiveness,
violence, and hatred. This conflict is like a coin with
two sides; first, conflict can cause revenge, hostility,
separation, and even divorce. Second, conflict can
lead to mutual understanding, getting closer, and
respecting each other (Igbo & Awopetu, 2015).
In this study, conflict occurs due to ineffective
communication through a medium. Informants
revealed that the lack of intimacy in married life
sometimes brings negative influences, such as
suspicions between the two parties. This is due to the
different busyness of the couples, which can affect the
quality and time of communication between the
couples.
Commuter-marriage couples of the adjusting type
are at risk of experiencing problems such as
frustration, loneliness, and excessive anxiety. In
contrast, established couples have the potential to be
more able to adapt to the conditions of a commuter
marriage (Handayani, 2016) Barnett and Hyde, who
found that long-distance relationships cause
excessive roles or role conflicts and affect the
progress of roles in the work environment and at
home (Roehling & Bultman, 2002) reinforce this.
Conflict in a relationship is very common.
Especially in a long-distance marriage, many small
things can conflict because of the limitations of space
and time that separate them. In this case, a sense of
openness and mutual Trust are needed in
communication.
Commuter marriage has a more significant
challenge because they have to be willing to sacrifice
many things. One of them is a situation that requires
one of the partners to lie, or the message conveyed in
communication is not the truth. The condition of lying
here is done for the common good of the commuter
marriage couple. In certain circumstances, one of the
partners gives the other news in a happy state, but in
reality, one is actually in a bad condition. These things
are considered for the common good. The condition
of couples who are far apart sometimes also causes
jealousy if one of them forgets or does not give news.
However, dishonesty and a lack of Trust can
impact the relationship (Cole, 2001). Emotionally,
couples who cannot channel their feelings to their
partners have a negative impact on the quality of their
relationship. In this study, the psychological impact
that emerged was the absence of a place to release
emotions, which resulted in a sense of loneliness.
This can also have a long-term effect that causes
stress for couples.
Therefore, openness, Trust, and mutual support
between couples are very much needed, especially for
adjusting-type commuter marriage couples who have
just experienced living together and still need warmth
and harmony in a relationship. Trust between couples
is achieved by allowing them to carry out their social
activities. Couples, both husband and wife, can
interact with office friends, go on business trips, or do
hobbies with their community. However, in carrying
out these activities, the couples still give each other
news to grow a sense of Trust in each other even
though they are separated by distance.
Like most marriages, they have ups and downs
and are hit by various challenges and problems.
Commuter marriages also experience this. The
Communication in Commuter Marriage Couples in Building Relationship Quality
209
distance separating the two partners requires the
couple to make various efforts to maintain a
harmonious relationship and minimize conflicts.
Conflict resolution strategies vary for each couple, as
with the sources in this study. One source stated that
the conflict resolution strategy is taking special time
(quality time) by trying to meet in person, and the
most important thing, of course, is assertive
communication that understands and understands
each other in everything. This couple can also take the
time to ask each other routine things, tell each other
about daily activities, and flirt.
Another source mentioned that their conflict
resolution strategy was to virtually try new things
with their partner. According to them, utilizing
technological advances can reduce conflict due to a
lack of time together by playing games and watching
movies with their partner virtually. Although not too
much can be conveyed, the longing between partners
will be cured. Then, making unique plans and goals
together can foster enthusiasm between partners and
minimize arguments.
Lubis' research also explains that phatic
communication can be useful for exploring the
harmony of commuter marriage with the aim of
pleasing the person you are talking to. In addition,
phatic communication can also break the stiff sauna
in married couples so that they become warmer, more
comfortable, and harmonious every time they
communicate via Skype (Lubis, 2021)
Of course, these things are challenging because
they require good communication, relationship
maintenance, and effort to maintain the relationship.
In line with Mulyadi's research (Mulyadi, 2017),
positive attitudes and suppressing hostile
atmospheres do not affect partner relationships. In
addition, Mijilputri's research (Mijilputri, 2014) also
mentions conflict identity, which is that simplifying
conflicts that have the potential to become significant
conflicts can make both partners learn from each
other, be open, and understand each other.
The view that communication is the main priority
(key) is reinforced by Scott (Scott, 2002) who stated
that communication is one of the primary keys in
forming intimacy in commuter marriage couples is
communication, which will impact family harmony.
Intense and ongoing conversations are the foundation
for maintaining household harmony (Rubyasih, 2016)
Then, activities to maintain the intensity of
communication with a partner are an effort to
maintain the sustainability of marriage (Widhistyasari
& Abidin, 2016).
A longitudinal study by Sandow (Sandow, 2010)
found a 40% higher risk of divorce in commuter
marriage couples. The separation distance can make
a couple's life harder and cause stress (Gerstel &
Gross, 1982). However, the commuter marriage
actors in this study made various efforts to maintain
harmony between their partners, including building
good communication with Trust, namely
predictability, dependability, and faith. In addition,
commuter marriage couples in the study also utilized
relationship management and phatic communication.
Then, the couple can continually spend and make the
best of their time, minimize conflict and respect
between partners, and support each other.
Furthermore, every marriage certainly brings hopes
and family goals that each partner desires. Commuter
marriage also brings wisdom that is grateful for by the
subjects, namely fostering a sense of Trust and
responsibility between partners, appreciating time
together more, and being able to improve economic
needs for the better.
4 CONCLUSION
From the discussion that has been explained above, it
can be concluded that commuter marriage couples
rely on virtual communication. The advancement of
communication technology today greatly helps
couples to communicate. Intense communication
through social media, such as chat and video calls, is
today's central pillar of their communication.
However, communication in this way still needs to be
more effective for them. Long-distance couples prefer
direct and face-to-face communication because they
can directly see their partner's expression. With direct
face-to-face communication, the couple also trusts
their partner more. According to them, the key to a
long-distance relationship is good communication. If
the communication goes well, a sense of trust in the
partner will emerge.
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