Self-disclosure in Marriage

Syarifah Faradina, Yuliana, Marty Mawarpury, Kartika Sari, Talitha Noveasara Dayo

Syiah Kuala University

Keywords: Marriage, Long-Distance Relationship, Self-Disclosure.

Abstract: Marriage is an emotional bond between two individuals who share physical and emotional intimacy and

sharing responsibility. Everyone wants to have a harmonious marriage, but there will be a problem that

usually occurs in their relationships. Communication occurs in couples is very important for the welfare and

harmony of marriage. One of the most important forms of communication is self-disclosure. Self-disclosure

is the process of making oneself known by others by verbally expressing thoughts, attitudes, feelings,

beliefs and past experiences to a partner. This study aimed to determine the differences in self-disclosure in

long-distance married couples and couples who live together using quantitative methods with incidental

sampling techniques. This study consisted of 100 samples (25 long-distance married couples and 25 married

couples living together). The data were collected using the Marital Self-Disclosure Questionnaire (MSDQ)

scale which showed the reliability of coefficient value (α) = 0.907. The results of the Mann-Whitney test

analysis (U = 600) and also showed that the significance value (p) = 0,000 (p < 0.05). Based on these results

it can be concluded that there are differences in self-disclosure in long-distance married couples and couples

who live together. The self-disclosure in long-distance married couples is less than the couples who live

together.

1 INTRODUCTION

Human needs love and affection, including the

desire to have a partner and the urge to have a

family. Giving and receiving affection, warmth, and

friendship can be fulfilled through marriage

(Mijilputri, 2015). Olson (2003) mentions that

marriage, as a legal commitment, is the emotional

bond between two individuals who share physical

and emotional intimacy, sharing responsibility and

income. According to Pal (2017), marriage can be

social security for individuals, because individuals

can obtain security and attention, so that their

existence and welfare are guaranteed. Pal (2017)

also added that by marrying, individuals can feel

pleasure, happiness, trust, and peace of mind

through interactions with other individuals who are

involved in a marriage relationship. An ideal

marriage is a marriage that is considered to provide

intimacy, commitment, friendship, the fulfillment of

sexual needs, affection, togetherness, and emotional

development (Papalia, Olds, & Feldman, 2009).

Being able to have a harmonious marriage is the

hope of every married couple and it is an indicator

of a successful marriage (Wulan & Chotimah, 2017).

However, most married couples claim that their

marriage is not following what is expected (Sari,

Rinaldi & Ningsih, 2018). Conflict in marriage is a

natural thing to happen, but the inability of couples

to overcome these conflicts can lead to

dissatisfaction in marriage (Papalia, Old & Feldman,

2009). Sometimes conflict in marriage is inevitable

and to obtain a healthy marriage relationship,

couples tried to accept and resolve conflicts, but in

unhealthy marital relationships, conflicts arise due to

various reasons, for example, conflict between role

performance and expectations of the couple's role to

cause the husband's inability and his wife in

resolving the problems they face can disrupt a

marriage relationship (Pathan, 2015). Furthermore,

Pathan (2015) also states that various marital

problems can lead to divorces, such as lack of

commitment, lack of communication, neglect,

emotional abuse, infidelity, inability to manage

conflict, financial problems, and sexual

discrepancies.

Henry and Miller (2004) also stated that the most

common marital conflicts occur due to lack of

communication, sexual intimacy, money, sexual

problems, and children. Various marital conflicts,

206

Faradina, S., Yuliana, ., Mawarpury, M., Sari, K. and Dayo, T.

Self-disclosure in Marriage.

DOI: 10.5220/0009441002060212

In Proceedings of the 1st International Conference on Psychology (ICPsy 2019), pages 206-212

ISBN: 978-989-758-448-0

especially in young couples, can lead to

dissatisfaction and discomfort (distress) in the area

of work and family (Schabracq, Winnubst &

Cooper, 2003). Furthermore, Pathan (2015) stated

that marital conflict is caused by various reasons

such as educational disparity, economic problems,

workload and differences of opinion, but the

suspicion between spouses, dowry, mental and

physical harassment committed by in-laws or

husbands and infidelity are the main cause of

conflict in marriage.

The married couple cannot avoid conflict that

arises in their marriage (Rini, 2009) and they will

choose to live together under one roof and spend

time together with their partners (Rubyasih, 2016).

Individuals expect to have a romantic relationship in

their marriage, where couples do not want to be

separated and always want to be together (Muliadi,

2017). However, many married couples do not live

together in everyday life (Nastiti & Wismanto,

2017). Couples decided not to live together or

having a long-distance marriage due to various

things (Dewi, 2013), including undertaking or work

assignments out of town for a long time (Naibaho &

Virlia, 2016).

According to Hampton (2004), long-distance

marriage is a marriage relationship that separated by

a distance that does not allow physical closeness for

a certain amount of time. Jimenez (2010) said that

long-distance marriages are usually characterized by

the absence of a spouse or the absence of physical

attachment to the spouse due to the difficulty of the

spouse's visit and return home in one day. This long-

distance relationship is very difficult to live with a

married couple (Suryani & Nurwidawati, 2016).

Establishing a long-distance marital relationship is

not an easy task, compared to couples who live at

home, who have the intensity of time to meet almost

every day. Couples who have long-distance

marriages certainly have different conflicts with

couples who live at home because of the distance,

meeting, and limited communication (Handayani,

2016). Besides, being in a long-distance marriage

makes couples having not much physical contact

with their partner (Bois, Sher, Grotkowski,

Aizenman, Slesinger & Cohen, 2016), unable to

communicate directly with their partner (Rubbyasih,

2016; Prameswara & Sakti, 2016), have less time to

interact directly, compared to couples who live

together (Stafford & Merolla, 2007), and the lack of

togetherness, making it very difficult to build

intimacy in the relationship (Handayani, 2016). This

can lead to conflict, due to differences in perception

during communication (Prameswara & Sakti, 2016).

With this kind of various difficulties experienced

by long-distance couples can cause them to

experience a variety of psychological conditions

such as stress, feeling lonely, boredom, anxiety, less

stable emotions, and the doubtful of the couple

(Stafford, 2005). Married couples who have long-

distance relationships are more likely to experience

stress-related to separation, travel costs, careers, and

decision making (Pistole, Roberts, & Chapman,

2010). Merolla (2010) reported that stressors on

individuals in long-distance relationships, related to

difficulties managing household tasks, fewer

opportunities for sexual relations, and potential for

increased financial costs.

Jourard (1971) states that to make a harmonious

relationship, two partners must be mutually open. At

the beginning of the marriage, the couple often felt

upset with their partner's behavior that was too quiet

and did not talk much. Jourard (1971) states that

when couples are not open to each other, it can lead

to new conflicts in marriage, where the couple

complains that their partners do not share enough

thoughts. Edwin (in Rubben & Stewart, 2013)

explains that communication occurs in couples is

very important for the welfare and harmony of

marriage. Furthermore, Zaheri, Dolatian, Shariati,

Simbar, Ebadi, Batool and Azghadi (2016) also

stated that communication is the most important

factor for the continuity of a relationship. When

individuals do not understand and unable to

communicate skillfully, it can become problems in

the family that have an impact on marital

dissatisfaction. Good communication can be a

differentiator between satisfied and unsatisfied

couples in their marital relationships (Troy, 2000).

Prameswara and Sakti (2016) state that well

established communication can maintain the

integrity of marriage. Also, the interaction between

partners is important for a successful marriage

relationship (Stafford, 2005; 2010), while for long-

distance marriage, one effective face-to-face

communication and physical intimacy, namely

through intimate talks, can reduce conflict (Stafford,

2010).

One of the most important forms of

communication is self-disclosure (DeVito, 2011).

Romdhon and Wahyuningsih (2013) also stated that

self-disclosure as one of the important

communication skills for individuals when dealing

and interacting with others, where individuals can

express various complaints or objections to

something that is considered to interfere in a

marriage. Individuals can also express their feelings

to their partner about a situation, express their

Self-disclosure in Marriage

207

thoughts or opinions about a topic, get certainty

about feeling or get suggestions and advice from

their partner (Baumeister & Vohs, 2007). When

couples are not able to self-disclosure then they are

unable to adapt, lack of self-confidence, feelings of

fear, anxiety, and inferior, which can affect their

mental health (Johnson, 1981).

According to Nugroho (2013), self-disclosure

can build intimacy in a relationship to overcome

conflict, where both partners try to make disclosures

so that couples trust and open up to each other. Self-

disclosure is the ability of individuals to disclose

information about themselves to others to achieve a

close relationship (Altman & Taylor, 1973). Self-

disclosure has an important role in developing

intimacy between partners (Masaviru, Mwangi &

Masindano, 2015; Masaviru, 2016). Self-disclosure

can also help individuals in releasing pent-up

feelings and tensions within themselves as well as

being a means to tell the individual's deepest desires

related to the personal idea or sharing about

expectations related to spouses or household

problems (Romdhon & Wahyuningsih, 2013). With

intimacy, couples can share a lot of information and

tend to make joint decisions on various topics,

including contraception to use, because this kind of

communication is important to build satisfying

sexual relations between couples. Good

communication is an important component of

marital satisfaction (Tang, Bensman & Hatfield,

2013).

The higher self-disclosure of the individual to his

partner, the fewer problems that occur in marital

relationships (Hendrick, 1981). In successful and

long-lasting marriages, interpersonal communication

tends to grow in a deep, sensitive and open manner

(Bograd & Spilka, 1996). Johnson (1981) argues that

individuals who conduct self-disclosure

appropriately can adapt more. They tend more

confident, more competent, reliable, more capable of

being positive, trusting others, more objective, and

open to their partners.

2 LITERATURE REVIEW

The concept of self-disclosure was first introduced

by Jourard (1964) to the individuals who have close

relationships such as mothers, fathers, friends, and

spouses. Jourard (1971), defines self-disclosure as

an individual act when showing and displaying

oneself, which requires courage to be known and

understood so that others can judge, love, listen and

trust in giving personal information to others which

includes: attitudes or opinions, tastes, and interests,

work or education, physical, financial and

personality.

According to Waring, Holden, and Wesley

(1998), self-disclosure is the process of making

oneself known by others by verbally expressing

thoughts, attitudes, feelings, beliefs and past

experiences to a partner. Although self-disclosure

has been discussed by Jourard, the first person who

looked at self-disclosure in general, individuals who

have close relationships such as mothers, fathers,

male friends, female friends and spouses rather than

specifically in marital relations. Waring, Holden,

and Wesley (1998) said there are four dimensions of

self-disclosure, including reflect one's thoughts and

feelings directly about marital relationships

(Relationship), the expression of thoughts and

feelings related to sexuality (Sex), reflect direct

disclosure of information regarding financial matters

(Money), and the disclosures that are not done

together, where only one partner is doing self-

disclosure (Imbalance).

According to Jourard (1971), self-disclosure has

three characteristics, including:

 Breadth

Relating to the material disclosed on the topic

of conversation, there are six categories of that

are usually disclosed. There are attitudes and

opinions, feelings and interests, work or

college, money, personality, and body.

Mulcahey's research (in Jourard 1971) found

that regarding differences topics in men and

women, it shows topics that are often discussed

by women are tastes, hobbies, and personality.

Man expressing tastes, hobbies, lessons,

attitudes, and opinions

 Depth

Relating to the depth of self-disclosure or how

open the individual is in expressing himself to

others. There are four levels: never tells

another person about aspects in the individuals,

speaking in general, telling in a full and very

detailed story, lying or giving a false picture of

the individuals to others.

 Target

Relating to who is targeted by someone in

conducting self-disclosure, there are five

targets that usually the object of self-

disclosure, namely: father, mother, male friend,

female friend, and partner. Usually in

childhood to early adolescence teenagers more

often reveal themselves to their parents, but

adults often do self-disclosure to peers or the

opposite sex.

ICPsy 2019 - International Conference on Psychology

208

3 RESEARCH METHOD

The research design used a quantitative research

approach with comparative study. The population in

this study are married couples who have long-

distance marriages and couples who live together

and located in Banda Aceh. The sampling technique

in this study used non-probability sampling with

incidental techniques. This technique used when the

researcher accidentally meets the sample and is

suitable as a source of data..

3.1 Partisipants

Researchers determined 100 research samples

consisting of 50 married couples living together and

50 married couples who have long-distance marriage

to fill the scale of the study. The sample also had to

match the characteristic, which is one of the couples

is out of town or abroad, the distance was over 150

km, unable to commute within one day and over one

year of marriage.

3.2 Measurement

The instrument was used to measure self-disclosure

in this study was an adaptation of the Marital Self-

Disclosure Questionnaire (MSDQ) by Waring,

Holden, and Wesley (1998). The MSDQ is used to

measure couples' self-disclosure in marriage. The

MSDQ consists of 40 true and false items with four

dimensions to be measured, namely relationship,

sex, money, and imbalance (Waring, Holden &

Wesley, 1998). The type of scale that was used in

this study was the Guttman scale which consists of a

group of positive and negative statements with the

choice of answers. On this scale, the acquisition of a

higher score indicates that a higher level of self-

disclosure of an individual, and a lower the score

obtained the lower the level of individual self-

disclosure. Waring, Holden, and Wesley (1998)

tested the validity of the MSDQ using construct

validity. The range consistency value of the MSDQ

is from 0.68 to 0.91, with an average consistency of

0.33. Waring (2001) found the reliability of the

MSDQ is (α) = 0.6423The data analysis technique

used to test the hypothesis was the Mann-Whitney

Test and run with SPSS Version 22.00 for windows.

4 RESULT

4.1 Hypothesis Test

The Mann-Whitney test technique is used to analyse

the differences between self-disclosure in long-

distance marriage couples and those who live

together, because the data were abnormally

distributed and homogenous. The hypothesis in this

research is there is a difference of self-disclosure in

long-distance marriage and couples who live

together. The results of the analysis shown in table

Table 1: Mann-Whitney Test Analysis of Long-Distance

Marriage Couples and Couples Who Live Together.

Self-Disclosure N Mean Si

Long-distance marriage

couples

50 37,51 0,000

Couples who live

togethe

50 63,49

Based on table 1, it can be seen that the

significance value of the study (p) = 0,000, which

value is smaller than the standard significance level

p <0.05. This result shows that the research

hypothesis is accepted. So it can be concluded that

there are differences in self-disclosure in long-

distance marriage couples and couples living

together.

The researcher also made categorized from the

self-disclosure score on the long-distance marriages

couples and the couples living together. The results

of the categorization can be seen in table 2.

Table 2: Categorized of Long-Distance Marriage Couples

and Couples Who Live Together.

Categorized Long-Distance

Marria

Marriage Couples

Who Live To

ethe

Percenta

(

)

Percenta

(

)

High 80 88

Not

Cate

orize

10 8

Low 10 4

Total 100 100

Based on table 2, it is known that there are 80%

of long-distance marriages couples are in high self-

disclosure category, 10% included in the low self-

disclosure category and the other 10% are not

categorized. Meanwhile, in couples who live

together, 88% included high self-disclosure

category, 4% included in low self-disclosure

Self-disclosure in Marriage

209

category and 8% are not categorized. In this study,

the majority of subjects both long-distance couples

and couples who live together have high self-

disclosure.

5 DISCUSSION

This study aimed to determine whether there are

differences in self-disclosure in long-distance

marriage and married couples who live together.

Based on the results of the Mann-Whitney test, the

statistical hypothesis obtained shows the

significance value (p) = 0,000 (p = <0.05). Based on

the results of the study showed that there is a

difference in self-disclosure in long-distance

marriage couples and married couples who live

together. The self-disclosure in long-distance

married couples is less than the couples who live

together.

The findings of this study support some of the

previous studies, including research conducted by

Suryani and Nurwidawati (2016). They found that

when having long-distance marital relationships,

there is a need for proper communication and

openness with a partner so that obstacles and

problems such as limited communication, sense

suspicious, jealousy because couples are not faithful

in long-distance relationships, can be resolved

properly. Suryani and Nurwidawati (2016) also

added that couples who have long-distance

relationships, lack of physical presence of partners,

makes couples rarely have verbal communication,

compared to married couples who live together. So

self-disclosure is one of the most important

components for increasing intimacy in a relationship

given the very limited communication.

Suminar and Kaddi (2018) added that in long-

distance marital relationships, married couples must

have the commitment, openness, honesty, mutual

understanding, and mutual trust. Furthermore,

Suminar and Kaddi (2018) also explained that in a

long-distance marriage, quality communication was

needed, where both partners had to express their

feelings to each other, ask questions about their

partner, support and pray for mutual success.

Rini (2009) also stated that long-distance married

couples have to talk to each other about many things

without being asked during communication, this is

important to do because there is not as much time

together as couples who live together. When the two

partners are not open with each other, it can make it

difficult for the couple to share information in a

limited time (Scott, 2002). Smith's statement (in

Rini, 2009) said that the lack of communication can

cause an imbalance with a partner, where a balanced

pair can be shown by being open to each other. As

research conducted by Laurenceau and Barrett

(2005) found that disclosures made together can

make couples closer to each other, the response

given by any of the related pairs submitted will

make couples more willing to be open to each other.

The results of this study also indicate that there

are 80% of long-distance marital relationships have

high self-disclosure, while married couples who live

together there are 88% have high self-disclosure.

Hendrick (1981) found that the higher self-

disclosure the fewer marital problems caused.

Furthermore, Johnson (1981) states that individuals

who can express themselves appropriately, are

proven able to adjust, more confident, competent,

reliable, more able to be positive, trust in others,

objective and more open in a relationship.

In this study, there were 10% of long-distance

marriage couples who had low self-disclosure, while

married couples who lived together were 4% who

had low self-disclosure. Therefore, self-disclosure is

very important in developing intimate relationships,

in this case, Jourard (1971) states that when self-

disclosure is not carried out together, where only one

partner is more self-disclosure, this can lead to

conflicts in marital relationships and can make

couples reluctant to open themselves. Based on the

results of this study, there are differences in self-

disclosure in long-distance marriage couples and

couples who live together that are not much

different.

Another factor that can influence self-disclosure

is age, where the entire sample of this study belongs

to an early adult age group that is 24-30 years as

much as 56% and 31-40 years as much as 44%.

Accordingly, Jourard (1971) found that self-

disclosure to couples increases after marriage and

then begins to decrease after the couple reaches the

age of 40 years and above. Furthermore, Jourard

(1971) also states that as individual aging,

communication in intimate relationships decreases.

Besides, Jourard (1971) also added that self-

disclosure is not important for couples when they

have been married for quite a long time, where

couples have known each other and are satisfied in

the relationship. In this study the number of subjects

which are married in 1-5 years was 58%, 5-10 years

was 24% and over> 10 years was only 18%.

ICPsy 2019 - International Conference on Psychology

210

6 CONCLUSION

This study aimed to determine whether there are

differences in self-disclosure in long-distance

marriage and married couples who live together. The

results of the study showed that there is a difference

in self-disclosure in long-distance marriage couples

and married couples who live together. The results

of this study also indicate that there are 80% of long-

distance marital relationships have high self-

disclosure, while married couples who live together

have 88% of high self-disclosure. In this study, there

were 10% of long-distance marriage couples who

had low self-disclosure, while married couples who

lived together were 4% who had low self-disclosure.

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