Our Different Differences: Qualitative Study of Cognitive Dissonance

on Different Religion Spouses

Muhammad Fitrah Ramadhan Umar and Suryanto Suryanto

Faculty of Psychology, Universitas Airlangga, Campus B, Jl. Airlangga no. 4-6, Surabaya, Indonesia

Keywords: Different Religion Marriage, Cognitive Dissonance

Abstract: The marriage of different religions in Indonesia current is still seen as a disgrace in the society that is

supported by the absence of rules governing different religions legislation, as a result, couples who do

different religions experience cognitive dissonance. In this cognitive dissonance, the couple is experiencing

confusion between having to follow values in society or having to build a family. Anderson (1995)

suggested that cognitive dissonance can occur in all aspects of life with individual beliefs contrary to those

found in society. This research aims to analyze the psychological dynamics toward the couples who

experience cognitive dissonance in the selection of couples of different religions and attempts to reduce

cognitive dissonance experience. This study uses a qualitative approach, especially intrinsic case studies

using the collection of observation and interview data for participants who do interfaith marriages. The

analysis used thematic analysis techniques. The conclusion in this study is that the psychological dynamics

of different religious couples who experience cognitive dissonance indicate that they know what they are

doing wrong and that they want to maintain their marriage. In addition, they also received the rejection from

their families and communities who viewed interfaith marriage as a disgrace. How to reduce cognitive

dissonance by changing the cognitive elements of the environment and convincing yourself that what is

done is right. Suggestions in this study are expected that couples of different religions who experience

cognitive dissonance in order to reduce cognitive dissonance by changing the cognitive elements of the

environment, and ensure that what is done right and advice for the marriage institution to enact rules about

interfaith marriage.

1 INTRODUCTION

Marriage is a union between men and women in a

family bond and works together in forming a family.

Duvall and Miller (1985) a marriage is a socially

recognized relationship between men and women for

sexual intercourse, childbirth, and making a division

of labor between partners. In Indonesian law in

Article 1 of Law No. 1 of 1974 concerning marriage,

namely "marriage is a birth and inner bond between

a man and a woman as a husband and wife with the

aim of forming a happy and eternal family based on

the Almighty Godhead." The

The phenomenon today is that many individuals

do marriages with different religions. Yahya and

Boag (2014) suggested the phenomenon of inter-

religious relations in Indonesia which consists of

social, economic, governance systems and emotional

relationships between individuals. One of the

individual emotional relationships between religious

people is a love or marriage relationship between

men and women of different religions. Hutapea

(2011) argues that marriage of different religions is

difficult to avoid due toheterogeneous conditions of

association and socialization between individuals

and increasingly close interactions between

individuals. Feuer (Cigdem, 2015) argues that

interfaith marriages are marriages between male and

female couples who admit that the two partners

recognize interfaith marriages. But the phenomenon

of interfaith marriages creates controversy because

the values are quite different between one religion

and another. Joanides (Juneman & Rahardjo, 2013)

argues that interfaith marriages are a complex

phenomenon and create a controversy in society.

Cavan (Juneman & Rahardjo, 2013) suggested

marriage conducted by individuals who have

different beliefs, one of whom would feel the values

of their beliefs are threatened.

Umar, M. and Suryanto, .

Our Different Differences: Qualitative Study of Cognitive Dissonance on Different Religion Spouses.

DOI: 10.5220/0008584800260033

In Proceedings of the 3rd International Conference on Psychology in Health, Educational, Social, and Organizational Settings (ICP-HESOS 2018) - Improving Mental Health and Harmony in

Global Community, pages 26-33

ISBN: 978-989-758-435-0

The interfaith marital relations will have a

complex impact on the couple. Anjani and Suryanto

(2006) suggested that the differences in beliefs in

religion affect disputes and quarrels among

individuals in the household. Hutapea (2011)

suggested that the religious differences in a marriage

can lead to marital dysfunction in the couple.

Marriage dysfunction is to distort a marriage or

marriage relationship. Horowitz (Calvina & Yusuf,

2012) suggested that the problem which may be

faced by couples in different religions is a negative

reaction and lack of understanding of the couple's

family.

Another impact of interfaith marriages is the

poor perception of people in Indonesia towards

marriages of different religions and social judgment.

Calvina and Yusuf (2012) suggested that people's

views on marriage with different religions are not

ideal, because they see in term of religious-based

discourse that marriage has accountability before

God. This view is reinforced by the risk of problems

that arise because of interfaith marriages, one of

which is the result of the marriage. The spiritual

aspect lead to the assumption that children from

interfaith marriages will experience confusion over

the different religions held by their parents. Based

on the explanation above, the impacts of different

religions are social judgment from the community,

easier to occur in domestic disputes, marital

dysfunction, and family rejection.

Based on the explanation above that the impacts

of interfaith marriages are easy disputes and

quarrels, marital dysfunction, family rejection, and

poor people's perceptions of interfaith marriages.

These impacts caused discomfort from the

decisions made by the couple. This inconvenience

comes from problems that is caused by the

community to the decisions which is they make. The

couples of different religions know the negative

effects of marriage and also, they try to maintain the

marriage they live. This condition is commonly

called cognitive dissonance. Festinger (1957) argued

that cognitive dissonance is a condition in which

psychological discomfort is caused by two or more

cognitive sources which have an impact on the gap

amongof two elements so that it impacts on the

behavior produced. Baron and Byrne (2004)

suggestedthat cognitive dissonance is a universal

aspect of human thought, although the factors and

magnitude can be influenced by culture. Anderson

(1995) suggested that cognitive dissonance can

occur in all aspects of life with individual beliefs

contrary to those found in society.

The cognitive dissonance in married couples has

not been widely studied. Previous researchers

discussed that cognitive dissonance in couples who

are dating. The results of a study conducted by Fauzi

and Putra (2016) on two respondents who did

different religious courtship revealed that

respondents significantly experienced cognitive

dissonance which resulted in psychological

discomfort. The dissonance factor in the two

respondents were the cultural values and public

opinion of the people who did not support their

relationship. The efforts to reduce dissonance are

done differently by each respondent, but how to add

the new cognitive elements is a method that is

equally used by the two participants

Based on the results of interviews conducted by

researchers with one of the interfaith marriages in

Surabaya namely:

“I know that different religions are not in

accordance with the norms in society, but I am the

one who is undergoing this marriage so I have to

maintain this marriage because I love my partner

very much”

The purpose of this research was to find out the

factors that influence interfaith marriages and know

the sources of cognitive dissonance in interfaith

couples and how to reduce cognitive dissonance.

2 LITERATURE REVIEW

2.1 Cognitive Dissonance

Solomon (1992) suggested that the cognitive

dissonance is one of the most important approaches

to behavior based on the principle of consistency.

Solomon suggests that individuals are motivated to

reduce the state negative by making the state in

accordance with one another. The cognitive element

is something that is believed by someone to

originate himself, his behavior or also observations

of his surroundings. Reduction of dissonance can

arise either by removing, adding to, or replacing

cognitive element elements.

East (1997) suggested that cognitive dissonance

is a confusing condition that occurs to someone

when their beliefs are not in line with those found in

the individual's environment. This condition

encourages them to change their thoughts, feelings,

and actions to be in accordance with renewal.

Dissonance is felt when someone is committed to

himself in carrying out an action that is inconsistent

with their other behaviors and beliefs.

Our Different Differences: Qualitative Study of Cognitive Dissonance on Different Religion Spouses

Festinger (1957) argued that cognitive

dissonance is a condition when the individual

psychological discomfort is caused by two or more

cognitive sources which have an impact on the gap

between the two elements so that it impacts on the

behavior produced. Cognitive dissonance refers to

any form of knowledge, opinion, or belief about the

individual or the environment. Cognitive elements

relate to real things or individual experiences in the

surrounding environment and things contained in

individual psychology.

Baron and Byrne (2004) suggested that the

cognitive dissonance is a universal aspect of human

thought, although the factors and magnitude can be

influenced by culture. Vaughan and Hogg (2005)

suggested that cognitive dissonance is a condition of

discomfort from psychological distress when

individuals have two or more information that is

inconsistent or not the same as one another.

The causes of cognitive dissonance experienced

by couples of different religions consist of various

sources. Festinger (1957) suggested sources of

cognitive dissonance, namely logical inconsistency,

namely dissonance that occurs due to discrepancies

between cognitive elements and logical things in the

environment, culture mores, namely cultural

differences causing cognitive dissonance, opinion

generality that is dissonance which occurs when the

opinions adopted by many people are forced on

individual opinions, and past experience that is when

individual cognition is inconsistent with the

knowledge of the individual's past, dissonance will

emerge.

When individuals experience cognitive

dissonance, the individual tries to reduce the

cognitive dissonance. Festinger (1957) suggested

that the individual's way of reducing cognitive

dissonance is changing the cognitive elements of

behavior, changing the cognitive elements of the

environment, and adding new cognitive elements.

The conclusion of the presentation above is

cognitive dissonance, namely the condition of the

individual having two or more thoughts originating

from himself and from the surrounding environment

and individuals are required to choose these

thoughts.

2.2 Marriage Different from Religion

Robinson (2005) argued that the marriages among

two individuals who embrace different religions

called interfaith marriage, mixed marriage, mixed

faith marriage, or interreligious marriage. Mandra &

Artadi (Eoh, 1996) suggested that interfaith

marriages are inner-birth ties between a man and a

woman who each have different religions and

maintain their differences as husband and wife with

the aim of forming a happy and eternal household

based on the Almighty God.

Sukarti (2003) argued that the interfaith

marriages are marriages between men and women of

different religions. Eoh (1996) argued that the

interfaith marriages as a marriage conducted by

people who embrace religion and belief differ from

one another The

The factors that influence interfaith marriages are

based on the theory put forward by Makalev (2013),

which is daily life association-day in community

life, parental religious education, the marriage

background of parents of different religions,

freedom to choose a partner that fits the criteria

regardless of religion and increasing globalization.

Paramitha (2002) argued that the problems that

arise as a result of religious differences with couples

in interfaith marriages, among others, namely

religious background, family relationships, worship,

sexuality, daily life, face difficulties in teaching

religion to children.

Based on the explanation above, interfaith

marriages are a process of unification between men

and women who have religious differences in a

marriage bond.

3 RESEARCH METHODS

This research uses a qualitative approach with

intrinsic case study methods. The criteria of

respondents in this study were husbands and wives

who had different religions or beliefs and

experienced cognitive dissonance. Respondents in

this study were early adults to middle adulthood

which ranged from 21-45 years. The couple's length

of marriage is around 6 months to 10 years. This is

in accordance with the research conducted by Anjani

and Suryanto (2006) that the age of marriage under

10 years is the initial period in marriage and is

considered appropriate in representing a picture of

cognitive dissonance in couples of different

religions. The respondents of this research also live

around the city in Surabaya and its surroundings.

The selection of respondents is done by snowball

sampling, which is looking for information from

other people in a chain. The data extraction

techniques in this research were carried out by

interview techniques. The interview method which

was used in this study was in-depth interviews. The

data analysis technique which was used in this

ICP-HESOS 2018 - International Conference on Psychology in Health, Educational, Social, and Organizational Settings

research was thematic data analysis with approach

theory driven. Triangulation of data in this research

that is using the significant others is integrating

significant others data with data obtained from

respondents. The main questions in this research are

what factors influence interfaith marriage? what

makes cognitive dissonance happen? how to reduce

cognitive dissonance?

This study involved 2 pairs of subjects with

aspects namely gender, age, religion, occupation and

length of marriage. The first pair had the initials AA

and AL who were 40 and 38 years old while the

second pair had the initials AF and EN aged 35 and

30. The first couple of Christian Protestant husbands

and wives were Muslim while the second pair of

husbands were Muslim and Protestant Christian

wives. The first couple of their marriage was 5 years

old and the second couple was 3 years old. All

respondents work as employees in a private

company. This research sought to determine the

factors that affect interfaith marriage, knowing the

sources of cognitive dissonance on interfaith couples

and find out how to reduce cognitive dissonance on

a couple of different religions.

4 RESULTS

4.1 Factors for Different Religion of

Religion

The first pair was a husband with the initials AA

Christian Protestant and his wife with the initials AL

having the religion of Islam carrying out interfaith

marriages due to his decision given the freedom to

choose. AL explained that himself was acquainted

with AA and was arranged by Allah SWT. Their

marriage has been running for five years. Previously

he resigned because he never married because AL

thought he was a woman who was covered in sin.

And after the AL evening prayer and finally the AL

was given instructions that the match was AA. Just

like AL, AA also not think that will marry with AL.

AA was introduced to the AL by his friend and then

finally got close and decided to get married. Their

marriage procession initially they married in the

mosque then blessing in the church and then doing a

marriage contract. After getting married as if they

found their soulmates.

"hmmm I chose to marry my husband well on my

own accord, because at first I tried to not marry

because I was not young anymore. I kept praying

and asking God for guidance. and finally my

husband met me, I thought God sent him to be my

husband and God answered my prayer…”

(W2:AL:6)

“if I don't think I'm going to get married to Alfie

... First, just add it to a friend, we are suitable ... it's

already like that ... ... And after a while I finally

ventured to propose to my wife ……” (W1:AA:4)

In the second couple, the husband was the initials

AF with the name Islam and the wife with the

initials EN Christian Protestant. The couple is

conducting interfaith marriages to avoid adultery

and cohabitation, the decision to get married is their

own decision, and see their co-workers who also

carry out interfaith marriages and can live in

harmony. AF believes he wants to marry EN

because they love each other and avoid adultery

while EN thinks that he wants to marry AF because

he loves AF and agrees with AF to avoid adultery.

The couple's marriage has been running for three

years. The beginning of the pair's meeting began

when AF wandered in Jakarta from the village to

change his destiny. AF works hard to find work in

the capital. Finally, AF got a job at a private

company in Jakarta. At the company AF finally met

with EN who was his co-worker. AF and EN are

getting closer and they fall in love with each other.

The procession of marriage is done by the

procedures of the religion Protestant in the Church

and doing blessings. In the wedding procession that

was present at the procession were the EN family

and the AF family represented by brother AF.

“I married my wife because I like each other and

I and my wife are migrants who are afraid to

become slander in the community” (W3:AF:10)

“I married him because I already felt right with

my husband and that was my own decision”

(W4:EN:10)

4.2 Cognitive Dissonance

Sources of cognitive dissonance are based on the

theory put forward by Festinger (1957)is logical

inconsistency, namely dissonance that occurs due to

a mismatch between cognitive element elements and

logical things in the environment, culture mores,

namely cultural differences lead to cognitive

dissonance, opinion generality, which is dissonance

that occurs when the opinions held by many people

are imposed on individual opinions, and past

experiences when individual cognition is

Our Different Differences: Qualitative Study of Cognitive Dissonance on Different Religion Spouses

inconsistent with knowledge in the past, the

dissonance will appear.

In the first pair AA and AL the source of their

cognitive dissonance came from the family or found

in sources of cognitive dissonance namely logical

inconsistencies, opinion generality, and cultural

values. AA and AL get rejection by both families.

This is because the cultural and religious values

embraced by the two families are very thick. The

AA family is a family who diligently performs

worship in the church every week and the AL family

is a family that is very devout five times a day and is

religious. Whereas from their friends they strongly

support their relationship. AA and AL knowing what

they are doing is wrong because it does not conform

to the norms of social and religious norms prevailing

in Indonesia but they also know that they must

maintain their relationship and move on to the

wedding. AF and AA do not think about marriage

laws in Indonesia. This couple found it difficult to

undergo a relationship when there were people

around him who discussed religious issues.

“At first I was not accepted from my wife's

family, and here I was confused between following

my wife's parents' words or maintaining my

relationship. If you are around, I will support you…

(W1:AA:12)

“I know why this interfaith marriage is not in

accordance with the rules, but it is the one who has

this relationship, right.” (W2:AL:14)

In the second pair the source of cognitive

dissonance comes from logical inconsistencies,

cultural values, and opinion generality. The logical

inconsistency is that the couple is aware that they are

different in their beliefs and they are trying to

maintain their love. The second source of cognitive

dissonance is cultural values, which, as stated in

logical inconsistencies, they realize that they differ

in their beliefs, which causes cognitive dissonance,

then the last source of their cognitive dissonance is

public opinion. The general opinion here is the

opinion of the family. The AF family strongly

rejected the relationship among the two partners,

especially the two parents AF. AF nurtured since

childhood in the Islamic religion is very strong, but

the family EN supportive relationship between the

two, while the EN parents only give advice once a

request that both should be able to build a

harmonious family. The couple also received

rejection at the Office of Religious Affairs. The

refusal was due to not allowing interfaith marriages

according to applicable law in Indonesia. AF

initially wanted to falsify EN religion to simplify

matters at the Office of Religious Affairs, but EN

did not approve it because he did not want problems

going forward and sinned again because EN

considered what he had done violated religion and of

course it was sinful and EN did not want to add the

sin he committed.

“my parents refused me to marry my wife

because my parents took care of me from a small

age and came from a religious family. but I have to

maintain my relationship. so I'm confused about

wanting to follow my parents or maintain my

relationship” (W3:AF:14)

“I got a rejection from my husband's family. they

don't want to accept me because of religious

differences. but if from my family, I am very

supportive because of my happiness” (W4:EN:12)

4.3 How to reduce dissonance

Cognitive

After experiencing dissonance cognitive the couple

reduces the cognitive dissonance experienced. The

individual way to reduce cognitive dissonance is

based on the theory put forward by Festinger (1957)

that is first is to change the cognitive elements of

behavior that is when dissonance occurs between

elements of environmental cognition with behavioral

elements, dissonance can be eliminated by changing

the cognitive elements of behavior so consonants

with environmental elements. The second is to

change the cognitive elements of the environment,

namely to change the environmental elements so that

consonants with cognitive elements of behavior can

be done to reduce or even eliminate the cognitive

dissonance that occurs. This is of course more

difficult than changing the element of behavior

because individuals must have sufficient control

over their environment. Finally, adding new

cognitive elements, namely cognitive dissonance can

also be reduced by adding new cognitive elements to

consonants with other cognitive elements. By adding

new cognitive element, the dissonance is likely to

decrease by reducing the level of the importance of

the dissonance. In addition to goingthrough three

ways to reduce cognitive dissonance proposed by

Festinger in 1957 the individual can also reduce

cognitive dissonance by convincing himself that

what he has done is correct. Breckler, Olson, &

Wiggins, (2006) how to reduce cognitive dissonance

can also be done through rationalization, which is to

convince yourself that the behavior that is done now

or in the past are all reasonable and acceptable.

ICP-HESOS 2018 - International Conference on Psychology in Health, Educational, Social, and Organizational Settings

The first couple reduces their cognitive

dissonance by changing the cognitive elements of

the environment and they convince themselves that

what they are doing is right. The couple managed to

convince their family that it was their choice and

were ready to accept the consequences of what they

did. AA was very persistent and very patient in

convincing the two families to accept their decision.

Finally, their family accepted their decision to get

married. AA almost every day goes to the AL house

and meets the parents of the AL, while the Navy

supports what is done by her husband and helps her

husband in convincing his parents. AL also ignores

the words of the people around them and considers

what they do with their husbands is the right thing.

And now they live happily, calmly and peacefully.

Now they are blessed with one child. The couple

advised the different religious couples who were still

dating so that they thought carefully before making

decision to get married and they also suggested

looking for a partner who was a believer.

“my husband was persistent and patient to

convince my parents and finally my parents accepted

my husband …” (W2:AL:20)

“I go to Alfie's house every day ... meet her

parents ... first I was rejected ... but I tried to keep

on going to her house ... maybe her parents were

bored so much so I was allowed to explain that I was

serious with her child” (W1:AA:20)

The second pair reduces cognitive dissonance by

changing cognitive elements in the environment and

by convincing themselves that what they are doing is

correct. Changing cognitive elements in the

environment by means of AF convinced his parents

that his strong determination to do marriage and AF

gave the opinion that their marriage was to avoid

cohabiting. AF also stated that he had a colleague

who was married to a different religion as well and

they lived in harmony and now had big children.

Seeing the seriousness of AF and parents seeing AF

as adults and able to make their own choices finally

the AF parents blessed the AF and EN relationship

even though the AF parents only sent the AF brother

to represent the family to propose and witness the

couple's marriage, while EN also helped AF to

convince the family AF and explain to parents and

family AF that he really loves AF and is ready to

build a family. EN also helps AF in introducing to

his extended family even though he has been

accepted by his family but EN thinks AF still has to

get closer to his family. As explained in the source

of cognitive dissonance, the Office of Religious

Affairs rejected their marriage, but in churches

where EN often worshiped interfaith marriages

could be held. They get a referral letter from the

church to carry out the marriage. Before getting a

referral letter they meet the requirements first,

namely to take a marriage course and they go tests

canonical. In this test AF is asked whether AF wants

to be truly married to EN. And finally, they got a

letter of recommendation and a marriage took place.

After they carried out their marriages, they arranged

their marriages at the Civil Registry Office, and the

Civil Registry Office did not question the religious

differences held by this couple. And finally, they

live peacefully and happily and the reef is blessed by

one child. AF and EN give advice to couples who

are still dating and different religions to keep their

love and keep fighting for their love.

“…I talked with my parents that I have married

friends of different faiths and they live happily. then

I say that it is more dangerous when I live at home

but not get married …. “(W3:AF:22)

I helped my family to convince his family. and I

said that I was ready to have a family with his child”

(W4:EN:20)

5 DISCUSSION

Based on the results of interviews conducted, it was

found that the factors that caused respondents to

conduct interfaith marriages were based on their

own volition and were given the freedom to choose,

avoid adultery, and see individuals around the

respondents who did the same. This is in accordance

with Makalev (2013) who argued that the factors

that influence interfaith marriage are daily living

relationships in community life, parental religious

education, marriage background of parents of

different religions, freedom to choose a partner that

fits the criteria regardless of religion and the

increase of globalization, meaning that there is a

wide openness of social relations between the people

in Indonesia and the people outside Indonesia.

Indonesian society is not closed the possibility of

choosing partners who come from abroad despite

different religions.

From the factors that have been found from the

results of the interview, there are also things that

cause cognitive dissonance. Based on the results of

interviews conducted on couples with different

religions, the two partners received a source of

cognitive dissonance that came from logical

inconsistencies, cultural values and opinion

Our Different Differences: Qualitative Study of Cognitive Dissonance on Different Religion Spouses

generality. Festinger (1957) suggested sources of

cognitive dissonance are logical inconsistencies,

cultural values, general opinions and past

experiences. But in both partners, there is no source

of cognitive dissonance from past experience.

Respondents who experience cognitive

dissonance can reduce the cognitive dissonance they

experience. Based on the results of interviews

conducted, it turns out that these two partners reduce

their cognitive dissonance by changing the cognitive

elements of the environment and they convince

themselves that what they are doing is correct. This

is in accordance with Festinger (1957) suggesting

the way an individual carries out cognitive

dissonance is changing the cognitive elements of

behavior, changing the cognitive elements of the

environment, and adding new cognitive elements.

The two pairs above reduce cognitive dissonance by

changing the cognitive elements of the environment

so that consonants with cognitive elements of

behavior can be done to reduce or even eliminate the

cognitive dissonance that occurs. Both of these pairs

add a factor of self-confidence that is to assume that

what they are doing is right. This is in accordance

with Breckler, Olson, & Wiggins, (2006) how to

reduce cognitive dissonance can also be done

through rationalization, which is convincing yourself

that the behavior carried out at this time or in the

past are all reasonable and acceptable. So that with

reducing the cognitive dissonance that is

experienced slowly the subject can reduce the

cognitive dissonance experienced.

6 CONCLUSIONS

The conclusion of this research is that from the two

pairs of different religions the factors that influence

them to conduct interfaith marriages are from the

first couple, the couple is doing it on their own

accord and given the freedom to choose a partner,

while the second pair is avoiding cohabiting, at their

own discretion and they saw the family of their

fellow workers who were married to different

religions. The source of cognitive dissonance for the

first and second pairs has the same source of

cognitive dissonance that comes from logical

inconsistencies, cultural values, public opinion, and

the way the two partners reduce cognitive

dissonance by changing the cognitive elements of

the environment and successfully convincing

themselves that what they did it right. Suggestions

from this study are for couples of different religions

to keep their marriage because it is their own

decision, for unmarried couples who are still dating

to think carefully about different marriages, families

are expected to accept decisions that taken by the

child, for the public not to negatively view this

interfaith marriage, and for the next researcher to use

methods other than qualitative, namely by

quantitative methods to determine the differences in

cognitive dissonance in husband and wife and focus

on sources of cognitive dissonance from the past.

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